I know it's not easy to change your attitude about divorce when you're in the middle of one. Divorce is stressful for everyone involved: You, your soon-to-be-ex spouse, and especially your kids. However, if you can find a way to accept that things are indeed changing – and, surprise, maybe even embrace them – I promise it'll make things easier for everyone involved. It might even help with that whole happiness thing we all want so much! Here are some tips:
It would be best if you considered talking to a professional.
If you're having trouble coping with divorce, seeking help is crucial. And you don't have to do it alone, nor should you feel alone. So many resources available in person and online, including counselors and support groups, can help you through this challenging time in your life.
You might not have a choice about the divorce.
If you're in an irreconcilable situation and a divorce is inevitable, you must consider improving your life afterward. Focus on the positive aspects of being single again and what it will mean for your future happiness. Sure, you’ll think about what you'll miss from the marriage but focus on what you'll gain from being single again.
Instead of focusing on the negative, think about what you can do to improve your life.
Banish thinking about what you don't want, like being single again or having to pay alimony; think about what is good for you and how it will affect your life moving forward. Think about how good it feels when someone tells us we look nice today or brings us flowers just because they think of us. Think about all those little things that make up our day-to-day lives and how much better those moments are than any big ones could ever be!
Paying attention to yourself and your feelings is essential when going through a divorce.
Be honest about what went wrong in your marriage and what role you played in its demise. Learn from your mistakes by thinking carefully about how they might have been avoided or minimized if you'd done things differently. Remember that you are not alone; many people have dealt with divorce before, and many will again in their future relationships. Please seek out these friends who have been through similar experiences so that they can help guide you through this challenging time.
Finally, take some time now while things are still fresh on your mind.
Consider what changes need to be made so that things go better for everyone involved (including yourself) next time. Think about what parts of the relationship were good--and which weren't so great after all...
Think about what you'll miss from the marriage and what you'll gain from being single again. You will miss the good times you had with your spouse. You may have been married for a long time, and there were some excellent moments then. But with divorce, you'll also gain freedom, independence, and a chance to be yourself again. You might have been living someone else's idea of what life should be like if you were married or in a long-term relationship before getting divorced. Now you can try new things and live a different life than what was expected of you by others' standards (or even your own).
Also, this is a big one: You cannot control your kids' feelings about the divorce, but you can be a good role model. Children learn from their parents, and it's essential that you are happy and healthy for yourself. Remember that it's better for your kids if you're happy and healthy once they're grown up and out of the house. Being sad, angry, and scared is OK - those are all normal emotions. But don't let those feelings take over your life or get in the way of your kids' lives too much. They need to have both parents involved in their lives after the divorce as much as possible (and this doesn't mean every day).
The Wrap-Up.
If you find that one or more of these feelings are overwhelming you or making things worse than they need to be, it may help if you find someone who knows how hard this time can be on people like family members/friends who have been through similar situations themselves before so they might understand what we're going through better than others do too.
It's never easy to go through a divorce, but it can be much more complicated if you're not in a good place mentally. If you find yourself struggling with your attitude about divorce and other life changes, don't hesitate to seek help from someone who can guide you through the healing process so that one day soon (hopefully), all will be well again.
It takes time and work; however, we believe in you and are here for you anytime at https://www.divorceedish.com/contact-us.
You got this!
Erin
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