Your parenting styles could have contributed to your divorce, or now, after your divorce, your parenting styles were forced to change to accommodate your kids.
Whatever way you take it, parenting in a divorced family is difficult.
I had my daughter ask me recently why we had to take that awful family divorce class – she said I am writing an article on it at school. Of course, since it's been a few years and the trauma has passed a little, it made me realize to snap back into action and talk to her and my other children about the divorce.
I had not overthought about it after the first year, and once we got into a groove with a 2-2-3 schedule. I guess once we all settled down from the initial shock of the situation, in my mind, I had already moved on, knowing that though it's painful if you take it day by day and at a slow pace, it can put a new perspective on your mind, I realize possibly not your kids.
You never know how a divorce will affect your family dynamic later. A trigger could cause the trauma to come right back to you and your kids.
What you can do and at least ask for is consistent messaging with your ex regarding the kids. If at all possible, you need to be in alignment and to be able to communicate to your kids that though mommy and daddy are not together anymore, we still are on the same page. (Though it is NEVER that easy)
My ex and I never talked about parenting styles before we had kids, and come to find out, they were very different, so when it comes to most situations, we are aligned, but sometimes we are not; we are beyond trying to resolve that piece – but now and then it is good to sit down and talk through your disagreements on parenting topics.
I advise making a list and meeting for coffee 1 x per month or every month. Don’t be afraid to say I disagreed when you took the kids out of school early without asking my thoughts or introducing your boyfriend or girlfriend without discussing how it may or may not affect them.
Everyday things that most divorced couples are not on the same page are:
· Not respecting the decisions of the other parent
· Doing something that may be offensive to your ex-partner
· Not keeping a regular schedule
· Not asking for the other's opinion
· Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Though all the above may not be easy at times; make it happen so everyone is at ease and know what’s going on.
Onward and upward!
Erin