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As we enter a new year, it is natural to reflect on the past and set intentions for the future. Journaling is a powerful tool that allows us to explore our thoughts and emotions, gain clarity, and make positive life changes. To kickstart your journaling practice in the New Year, here are 12 thought-provoking questions to ask yourself: 1. What are my most significant accomplishments from the past year? Take a moment to celebrate your achievements, big or small. Reflect on what made these accomplishments meaningful and how they align with your values. 2. What lessons did I learn from my failures or challenges? Failures and challenges provide valuable growth opportunities. Write a journal about your lessons and how to apply them to future situations. 3. What am I most grateful for in my life right now? Gratitude is a powerful practice that can shift our focus to the positive. Please write down the things you appreciate and how they bring you joy. 4. What are my priorities for the upcoming year? Consider what truly matters to you and what you want to focus on in the coming year. This could be personal goals, professional aspirations, or areas of self-improvement. 5. What habits or behaviors do I want to cultivate or let go of? Reflect on the habits that have served you well and those that no longer align with your goals. Identify new habits you want to develop and old ones you want to release. 6. How can I nurture my physical and mental well-being? Explore ways to prioritize self-care and promote your overall well-being. Consider activities like exercise, meditation, creative outlets, or spending time in nature. 7. What fears or limiting beliefs am I holding onto? Identify any fears or self-limiting beliefs that may be holding you back and preventing you from reaching your full potential. Challenge these beliefs and explore ways to overcome them. 8. How can I contribute to my community or make a positive impact? Think about ways to give back and make a difference in your community or the world. Journal about causes or initiatives that resonate with you and explore ways to get involved. 9. How can I improve my relationships with loved ones? Consider how you can deepen your connections with the people most matter to you. Write down actions you can take to improve communication, express gratitude, or resolve conflicts. 10. What new skills or knowledge do I want to acquire? Continuous learning is an essential part of personal growth. Identify areas of interest or skills you would like to develop and create a plan to pursue them. 11. How can I manage my time more effectively? Take stock of how you currently use your time and consider ways to be more intentional and productive. Explore time management techniques and strategies that work for you. 12. What brings me joy, and how can I incorporate more? Reflect on the activities or experiences that bring you true joy and make you feel alive. Find ways to prioritize these things and create a life aligned with your passions and values. Remember, journaling is a personal and reflective practice. Allow yourself to explore these questions honestly and without judgment. Use your journal as a safe space to authentically reflect on your thoughts, goals, and intentions for the upcoming year.     Happy journaling and a joyous New Year! Erin

As most of you know and are experiencing, divorce is often described as one of life’s most challenging transitions. Whether the decision was mutual or unexpected, the end of a marriage marks the beginning of a new chapter filled with a complex mix of emotions and uncertainties. The first month after a divorce can be particularly intense as you navigate life on your terms. Understanding what to expect during this period can help you cope more effectively and set the foundation for healing and growth. This week we are launching a series about what to expect of yourself month by month the first year after. Emotional Rollercoaster It’s common to experience a whirlwind of emotions—sadness, relief, anger, fear, and even moments of happiness. You might find yourself grieving the loss of the relationship while also feeling hopeful about the future. These fluctuating feelings are a normal part of the healing process. • Allow Yourself to Feel:  Suppressing emotions can prolong the healing process. Permit yourself to feel whatever arises without judgment. • Seek Support:  Talk to trusted friends or consider professional counseling to help process your feelings. Physical and Mental Exhaustion The stress of divorce can and will take a toll on your body and mind. You may experience fatigue, changes in appetite, or difficulty sleeping. • Prioritize Self-Care:  Engage in activities that nurture your well-being, such as exercise, proper nutrition, and adequate rest. • Mindfulness Practices:  Techniques like meditation and deep-breathing exercises can help reduce stress and improve mental clarity. Questioning Identity After years of sharing your life with someone else, feeling a sense of lost identity is natural. You might wonder who you are outside of the marriage. • Rediscover Your Interests:  Re-engage with hobbies or explore new exciting activities. • Set Personal Goals:  Establish short-term objectives to build confidence and a sense of purpose. Dealing with Loneliness Adjusting to being alone can be one of the most challenging aspects of post-divorce life. The silence at home might feel overwhelming at first. • Create a Comfortable Space:  Personalize your living environment to reflect your tastes and needs. • Stay Connected:   Make plans with friends and family to maintain social interactions. This is probably one of the toughest when your world has been turned upside down. However, I have found it is key to continued recovery. Financial Adjustments Divorce often brings significant financial changes. You may need to adapt to a new budget or handle financial matters you haven’t managed before. • Assess Your Finances:  Create a realistic budget that reflects your current situation. • Consult Professionals:  Financial advisors can provide guidance to help you secure your financial future. Legal Loose Ends Even after the divorce is finalized, there may be lingering legal matters, such as updating documents or adhering to custody arrangements. • Stay Organized:  Keep track of important documents and deadlines. • Follow Through:  Ensure you understand and comply with all legal obligations to avoid future complications. Coping with Social Changes Your social circle may shift after a divorce. Friends who were close to both you and your ex-spouse might feel uncertain about how to interact. • Communicate Openly:  Let friends know you value their support and understand their position. • Expand Your Network:  Consider joining clubs or groups to meet new people who share your interests. Looking Ahead While the first month after a divorce is undoubtedly challenging, it’s also the beginning of a journey toward a new life. This period is an opportunity for self-discovery, personal growth, and redefining what happiness means to you. • Be Patient with Yourself:  Healing takes time, and moving at your own pace is okay. • Embrace Change:  Try to view this transition as a chance to create the life you want. Final Thoughts Remember that you’re not alone in this experience. Many have walked this path and have emerged stronger and more fulfilled. Reach out for support when needed, take care of yourself, and trust that with time, the pain will lessen, and clarity will emerge. Resources for Support: • Counseling Services:  Professional therapists can provide coping strategies. • Support Groups:  Sharing experiences can offer comfort and practical advice. • Educational Materials:  Books and online resources can provide additional guidance and perspective. Embarking on life after divorce is undeniably tough but opens doors to new possibilities. You can navigate this challenging time with resilience and hope by acknowledging your feelings, taking proactive steps to care for yourself, and seeking support. My first month after the divorce was emotionally intense for me and all parties involved again. No matter if you wanted it or not, it is ok to grieve the loss of the relationship and let those tears flow. We are thinking of you! Erin

Heartbreak is an all too familiar part of the human experience. Whether it comes in the form of a breakup, loss of a loved one, or unrequited love, the pain it inflicts can be overwhelming. In such moments, your world crumbles, leaving you feeling lost, hurt, and betrayed. However, amidst the darkness of heartbreak, there is light at the end of the tunnel. This blog explores the profound impact of heartbreak and offers guidance on navigating the storm. · Acknowledge Your Pain: Heartbreak is a powerful emotion that can often feel like a physical ache. It's essential to permit yourself to grieve, feel the pain, and heal. Denying or suppressing your emotions will only prolong the healing process. · Seek Support: During times of heartbreak, seeking support from loved ones is crucial. Surround yourself with people who can provide a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, and offer empathy and understanding. Talking about your feelings and experiences can help you feel lighter and less alone, offering a fresh perspective. · Self-Care: Heartbreak can drain you emotionally and physically. It is vital to prioritize self-care during this difficult time. Engage in activities that bring you joy and comfort, such as practicing mindfulness, exercising, spending time in nature, or pursuing creative outlets. Taking care of your physical and mental well-being will help you regain strength and resilience. · Acceptance and Letting Go: Healing from heartbreak often involves accepting the reality of the situation and letting go of what cannot be changed. Allow yourself to process your emotions, but recognize that clinging to the past will hinder your progress. Embrace the idea that your pain is temporary and that better days lie ahead. · Learn and Grow: Heartbreak presents an opportunity for introspection and personal growth. Reflect on the lessons from the experience and use them as stepping stones towards self-improvement. Rediscover your passions, set new goals, and invest time in self-discovery. Heartbreak can lead to a more robust and wiser version of yourself. · Patience and Time: Healing from heartbreak is a gradual process, and it is essential to be patient with yourself. Understand that healing does not happen overnight and is expected to have ups and downs. Give yourself the time and space needed to heal, and trust that the clouds of heartbreak will eventually lift with time. While heartbreak can seem impossible, it is essential to remember that it is a universal experience. The pain, though immense, is not permanent. By acknowledging your discomfort, seeking support, practicing self-care, accepting, letting go, learning and growing, and being patient, you will gradually find solace and emerge stronger on the other side. Allow heartbreak to catalyze personal growth and remember that love and happiness willl return to your life. It's hard out there - protect your heart Erin

Relationships can be beautiful bonds that bring joy and fulfillment to our lives. However, despite our best efforts, relationships sometimes reach a point where it's time to part ways. While breakups can be challenging, there are ways to make the transition smoother for both parties involved. Let’s discuss signs indicating it might be time to split a relationship and offer advice on navigating the process with grace, dignity, and respect. Signs it's time to split: 1. Lack of compatibility: If you find that your values, goals, or interests no longer align, it may be a sign that continuing the relationship would lead to long-term dissatisfaction and unfulfillment. 2. Frequent arguments and resentment: Constant disputes, a lack of effective communication, and growing resentment towards each other are signs of an unhealthy relationship. If efforts to address and resolve these issues have been unsuccessful, it may indicate it's time to end the relationship. 3. Emotional or physical abuse: Any abuse is a clear red flag that the relationship is toxic and harmful. It is crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being in such situations and seek help from support networks. 4. Not sleeping in the same room? Have you become roommates and lost any desire to be with the person you have a so-called relationship? 5. Tension: When you are both tense, you must realize the dislike increases, making you miserable. Life is too short to live in this unhealthy environment. Making a smooth transition: 1. Reflect and communicate: Reflect on your feelings and needs before making hasty decisions. Assess whether the relationship issues are irreparable or can be resolved through open and honest communication with your partner. If you mutually decide that breaking up is the best solution, communicate respectfully, expressing your feelings and reasons calmly and constructively. 2. Please choose the right time and place: Pick an appropriate setting and time for the breakup conversation to ensure both parties can express their emotions and thoughts without interruption or added pressure. Choose a private and neutral location for a safe and comfortable environment. 3. Remain respectful and empathetic: During the breakup conversation, it is crucial to be respectful and understanding of your partner's feelings. Avoid blaming or attacking each other, as it will only escalate tensions. Instead, focus on expressing yourselves honestly while acknowledging the emotions and experiences of your partner. 4. Set boundaries and establish a support system: As you transition out of the relationship, you must show clear boundaries and expectations moving forward. Determine how you will handle shared responsibilities, belongings, and social circles. Contact friends, family, or professionals to provide emotional support during this time. 5. Allow time for healing: Recognize that a breakup is a grieving process that takes time to heal. Take care of yourself by engaging in self-care activities, seeking therapy if needed, and surrounding yourself with positive influences. Take time to rediscover what you want and feel would make YOU happy. While deciding to end a relationship is never easy, it can be necessary for personal growth and happiness. Recognizing the signs indicating it's time to split, communicating openly and respectfully, and taking care of yourself through the transition can make the process smoother for both parties involved. Remember, ending a relationship is not a reflection of personal failure but rather an opportunity to grow and find a fulfilling future. We hope this helps! Erin Time to Dish: Are you miserable when you walk in the door? Is your partner abusive? Are you still intimate, or has that gone by the wayside? If you are not in the same room – please know this is one of the most significant signs your connection is failing. How do you feel about that? Why are you waiting?

Break-ups and divorces are always challenging. They can be deeply painful and induce many emotions, impacting a person's mental, emotional, and physical well-being. This blog will explore the heart-wrenching effects of a breakup or divorce and provide insight into coping mechanisms and ways to heal. 1. Emotional Rollercoaster: The emotional rollercoaster is one of the most prominent effects of a breakup or divorce. Feelings of grief, sadness, anger, betrayal, and rejection can consume individuals. They may swing between intense heartache and fleeting hope, making it difficult to stabilize their emotional state. Acknowledging and validating these emotions is crucial, understanding that they are a natural part of the healing process. 2. Impact on Mental Health: A break-up or divorce can have a significant impact on mental health. It can lead to feelings of low self-esteem, self-doubt, and worthlessness. Many individuals experience anxiety, depression, and loss of motivation during this time. The sudden change in routine and the loss of a partner or future can create a sense of confusion and instability. Seeking professional support, such as therapy or counseling, can be instrumental in navigating these challenges and promoting mental well-being. 3. Physical Manifestations: Heartbreak is not just metaphorical; it can affect individuals on a physical level as well. The stress and emotional turmoil caused by a breakup or divorce can manifest in physical symptoms such as loss of appetite, insomnia, fatigue, and a weakened immune system. Taking care of oneself, practicing self-care, and adopting a healthy lifestyle can aid in managing these physical manifestations and promoting overall well-being. 4. Impact on Relationships: The end of a significant relationship can leave individuals questioning their ability to trust and love again. It can be challenging to form or maintain new relationships as the fear of getting hurt resurfaces. Additionally, break-ups or divorces involving children can create further complexities, affecting co-parenting dynamics and the family structure. Seeking support from friends, family, or support groups can be crucial in navigating these relationship challenges and providing a network of understanding and empathy. 5. Rediscovering Identity and Self-Worth: Break-ups and divorces often force individuals to redefine their identity and self-worth. The healing journey involves rediscovering personal interests and passions and building a solid sense of self. Engaging in activities that bring joy, practicing self-compassion, and setting new goals can aid in rebuilding and reclaiming one's individuality. The heart-wrenching effects of a breakup or divorce are undeniable. The emotional, mental, and physical toll can disrupt every aspect of one's life. However, it is essential to remember that healing is possible. By acknowledging and processing emotions, seeking support, and practicing self-care, individuals can slowly rebuild their lives, finding strength, growth, and a renewed sense of happiness. It is essential to be patient with oneself and trust that resilience and healing will prevail. Keep your head up! Erin Time to Dish: What are you feeling right now? How are you dealing with your feelings? Are you going to therapy? If not, why not? Therapy can help you work through all the mixed emotions. Are you getting out with friends?

Divorce is never easy, and it can often leave individuals feeling lost, sad, and broken. It's not unusual to start blaming yourself or others for what happened. However, looking at the positives and learning to be thankful even after a divorce is essential. Here are 12 tips to still be thankful even after your divorce: 1. Appreciate the good moments: Consider the good times during your marriage. Remember the special moments you shared. Focus on the good moments that brought joy and happiness into your life. 2. Reflect on what you have learned: Every experience teaches us something valuable. Analyze what you have learned from the situation; this can be about the relationship, yourself, and the future. 3. Let go of resentment: Resentment and bitterness can hold you back. Allow yourself to forgive your ex-partner and let go of any negative feelings. It can be challenging, but you will feel lighter after doing so. 4. Focus on attractive opportunities: Divorce can be an opportunity to explore new things. Focus on the attractive opportunities that may arise, such as traveling, starting a new career, or taking up a new hobby. 5. Let your friends and family support you. Don't be afraid to seek help. Let your loved ones keep you; they can be a great comfort during this phase of life. 6. Practice gratitude: Being grateful for what you have is an excellent way to find positivity during a difficult time. You can start with small things like thanking your loved ones, nature, or the universe for everything they have provided you with. 7. Embrace new experiences: Try to embrace new experiences after a divorce. This will help you overcome the fear of change and open up the possibilities for a new and exciting life. 8. Maintain a routine: Establishing a practice can be helpful during the turbulent phase of post-divorce. It gives you a sense of stability and helps you navigate through the changes. 9. Let your emotions flow: Don't bottle up your feelings. Allow yourself to feel all emotions during the divorce process and beyond. But don't let them consume you. 10. Seek professional help: If you are struggling to cope, consider contacting a therapist or a life coach to support you. 11. Stay active: Exercise can be an excellent stress buster. Regular exercise sessions can help you release any pent-up emotions and release endorphins, which, in turn, improve mood and energy levels. 12. Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself is the most significant act of self-love. This can be anything from long bubble baths to spa days or reading a good book. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself mentally and physically healthy. Being thankful after a divorce can be challenging but essential for your well-being. Focusing on the positives and embracing new experiences will help you overcome the difficult phase and look forward to a bright, beautiful future. What are you thankful for? Jot it down – it will make you feel better. Xoxo Erin Time to Dish: · It’s so hard to be thankful when life seems to be coming at you in all directions,; you can be grateful – even for your shoes  ? Practice: · I am thankful for: (Fill in the blank) · I am happy because: (Fill in the blank) · My emotions feel like this today (Fill in the blank)

Missing someone you love is one of the most profound emotions we can experience. It reminds us of the depth of our feelings, the weight of our memories, and the irreplaceable presence of another in our lives. Whether we’re separated by distance, circumstance, or the passage of time, that longing can feel like an ache—both sweet and sorrowful. There’s a certain poetry in missing someone. The way their absence lingers in the spaces they used to fill. The moments when you reach for your phone to text them, only to remember they’re not there. The songs that suddenly hold new meaning, the places that once felt magical together, now carry an air of melancholy. But missing someone also means they meant something. It means there was love, laughter, connection. It means your heart is capable of feeling deeply, and that in itself is a gift. Instead of fighting the feelings of longing, embrace them. Let them remind you of the love you shared, the lessons you learned, and the person you became because of them. So what do you do when you miss them? Some people find solace in writing—letters never sent, poetry woven with emotion, journal entries filled with honesty. Others turn to music, art, or travel to process their feelings. Some reach out, while others sit with their thoughts in quiet reflection. There’s no right or wrong way to navigate missing someone—only what feels right for you. Remember to be kind to yourself if you find yourself lost in the echoes of their presence. Healing isn’t about forgetting; it’s about learning to carry their memory with you in a way that doesn’t weigh you down but instead lifts you. And maybe, just maybe, missing them is a reminder that real, deep, transformative love never truly leaves us. xoxo Erin Let's dish: When you miss someone, do you feel overwhelmed by the thought of contacting them to let them know? How do you cope with your feelings? Have you reconnected?

Falling in love again after heartbreak can feel like stepping onto a tightrope—exciting yet terrifying. You want to trust, to feel that rush of connection, but there’s also that nagging voice whispering, What if I get hurt again? Opening up isn’t easy, especially when you've been burned before. But love, real love, requires vulnerability. So, how do you let your guard down without losing yourself? Acknowledge the Fear—But Don’t Let It Control You: Fear is natural. It’s your mind’s way of trying to protect you from past pain. But letting fear dictate your love life means keeping people at a distance who might be worth the risk. Acknowledge your fears, but remind yourself that not everyone will treat you the same way as those from your past. Set Boundaries Without Building Walls: There’s a difference between healthy boundaries and shutting people out. Boundaries help you feel safe, allowing you to open up at your own pace. Whether you take things slowly, are clear about your needs, or make sure you’re emotionally ready, boundaries create space for love to grow without fear of losing yourself. Be Honest—With Yourself and Others: Pretending you’re unaffected by the past won’t help you heal. If you’ve been hurt before, it’s okay to admit it. When you meet someone new, communicate honestly about where you stand emotionally. The right person will respect your journey, not rush you through it. Take Small Steps: You don’t have to dive headfirst into love. Open up little by little. Share a personal story, let someone in on your daily thoughts, or express how you feel. Vulnerability doesn’t have to be all or nothing—it’s a process. Trust Actions More Than Words: Words can be deceiving, but actions tell the truth. Watch how someone treats you, how they show up, and how they respect your pace. The right person won’t just say they care; they’ll prove it through consistency and kindness. Give Yourself Grace: Opening up after heartbreak isn’t easy, and there will be moments when you retreat out of fear. That’s okay. Healing isn’t linear. If you find yourself struggling, remind yourself that growth takes time. Be patient with yourself. Believe in Love Again—Even If It Looks Different: Love the second (or third, or fourth) time around may not feel the same as before, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be just as beautiful. It may be more profound, intentional, and aligned with who you are now. Trust that love still exists for you—because it does. Opening up again is scary, but staying closed off is even more terrifying. Love requires risk, but it also offers something even more significant: the possibility of something real, something worth it. If you’re ready—even just a little—take that first step. Your heart deserves it. xoxo Erin Let's Dish: Have you ever felt sparks running rampant, and then you run away? What are you scared of, the hurt, the excitement? How have you set boundaries?

Getting burned in love can feel like the world has turned its back on you. Maybe you trusted someone who let you down, gave your all only to feel unappreciated, or opened up your heart only for it to be mishandled. Whatever the scenario, the pain of heartbreak can leave us questioning whether we ever want to take that risk again. But here's the truth: being burned doesn’t mean you’re out of the game—it just means you're learning to play smarter. Acknowledge the Burn The first step in moving forward is admitting that you've been hurt. Ignoring the pain or pretending it doesn't exist will make it disappear. Take time to process what happened. Journal your thoughts, talk to a trusted friend, or seek therapy. Healing is essential to stepping back out there with confidence and clarity. Reframe the Narrative Instead of seeing the experience as a failure, try to view it as a lesson. What did you learn about yourself? Maybe you discovered what you truly want—or don’t want—in a partner. Reframing the story of being "burned" into one of growth and self-discovery can help you regain control of your narrative. Take Baby Steps You don’t have to dive headfirst back into the dating pool. Start with small acts of putting yourself out there. Join a group or hobby that aligns with your interests, attend social events, or start conversations with new people. The idea is to rebuild your confidence and rediscover the joy of connection. Protect Your Energy While remaining open is essential, setting boundaries is equally crucial. Protect your energy and take the time to evaluate whether new connections are worth your emotional investment. Trust yourself to recognize red flags and permit yourself to walk away if something feels off. Let Go of the Fear Fear is the thief of opportunity. Yes, you might get hurt again, but you might also find the love and happiness you’ve sought. Life’s beauty is unpredictable, and the best things often come when we least expect them. Embrace the possibility of joy, even if it means taking a risk. Focus on Yourself The best way to attract good energy is to create it within yourself. Focus on what makes you happy, confident, and fulfilled. When you thrive on your own, you naturally become more magnetic to the right people. Celebrate the Journey Getting back out there isn’t about finding someone else to heal you—it’s about discovering your resilience and capacity to love despite the challenges. Celebrate every small win, whether surviving an awkward first date, making a new friend, or feeling good about yourself again. You’ve been burned, but you’re not broken. You’re stronger than ever. So take a deep breath, remind yourself of your worth, and step back into the world. Love, after all, is always worth the risk. You are not "broken, just bent and you can learn to love again "--- P!nk!

Breakups, whether amicable or heartbreaking, often leave us with emotional scars. Healing takes time, but there are simple and practical steps you can integrate into your routine to help mend your heart and rediscover yourself. Here are seven ways to begin your journey toward wholeness: 1. Lean Into Your Emotions It's tempting to bury your feelings, but acknowledging them is the first step toward healing. Cry, journal, or talk it out with someone you trust. Suppressing emotions only prolongs the pain, while facing them allows you to release them. 2. Prioritize Self-Care This is the time to pamper yourself. Whether taking long baths, practicing yoga, or getting a new haircut, self-care helps rebuild your confidence and reminds you of your worth. 3. Rediscover Your Passions Revisit hobbies or try something new. Channel your energy into activities that bring you joy, like painting, hiking, or learning a new skill. Focusing on personal growth can reignite your sense of purpose. 4. Establish a Healthy Routine Consistency can be grounding. Regular exercise, eating balanced meals, and sticking to a sleep schedule can improve your mental and physical well-being, helping you feel more in control during a chaotic time. 5. Limit Contact with Your Ex It’s hard to move on if you’re constantly checking in on them. Establish boundaries and give yourself the space to heal without their influence. This can also help prevent mixed feelings or reopening wounds. 6. Lean on Your Support System Friends and family can provide comfort and perspective. Let them be there for you. A solid support system can remind you that you’re not alone and loved. 7. Practice Gratitude It may feel impossible initially, but finding small things to be grateful for—like a sunny day or a kind gesture—can shift your perspective and foster a more positive mindset as you move forward. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but you can take control of your journey by integrating these simple steps into your daily life. Moving forward isn’t about forgetting the past; it’s about learning, growing, and creating space for something new. What’s one step you’ll start with today? Let us know in the comments! We are here for you! xoxo Erin

How often have you asked yourself, “Why do I always end up with the wrong person?” It’s a frustrating and familiar question for anyone who has faced a series of romantic disappointments. You start to wonder if your so-called “picker”—that internal radar that draws you to certain people—is broken. But is it really about having a “bad picker,” or is something deeper at play? Recognizing Patterns If your relationships often end in heartbreak or dysfunction, the first step is recognizing any patterns. Are you consistently drawn to the same type of person? Maybe you’re attracted to charmers who turn out to be unreliable, or you gravitate toward people who need “fixing.” These patterns can offer valuable insight into your choices. Our “picker” is often influenced by subconscious factors, like past experiences or unmet emotional needs. For example, stability might feel foreign or boring if we grew up in a chaotic environment. Recognizing these influences can help us understand why certain people catch our attention. The Role of Chemistry Let’s talk about chemistry—that undeniable spark that draws two people together. While chemistry can be exhilarating, it can also cloud your judgment. A firm initial connection doesn’t guarantee compatibility. Sometimes, that magnetic pull is your subconscious recreating familiar dynamics, even if they’re unhealthy. Listening to Red Flags How often do you ignore red flags because you’re caught up in the excitement of a new relationship? Maybe they make dismissive comments or avoid talking about their past. Ignoring these signs can lead to the same painful outcomes. Part of improving your “picker” is learning to trust and act on your intuition. Pay attention to how someone makes you feel—not just during the good times but also when things get tough. Shifting Your Mindset Instead of asking, “Why do I always pick the wrong person?” try reframing the question: “What am I looking for in a partner?” List qualities you value, like kindness, stability, and shared goals. When you focus on what you want rather than what you’re avoiding, it becomes easier to identify people who align with your vision. Self-Reflection and Growth Improving your “picker” often requires looking inward. Are there unresolved issues that might influence your choices? Are you seeking validation or trying to fill a void? Therapy or self-help resources can be invaluable in uncovering these answers. Giving Yourself Grace Finally, remember that no one has a perfect “picker.” Dating is a learning process, and every experience—good or bad—teaches you something valuable. Be patient with yourself as you navigate the complexities of love. Your “picker” isn’t broken. It might just need a little fine-tuning, and that’s okay. With time, self-awareness, and a commitment to growth, you can choose partners who align with your needs and values. How many times have you felt like this? Tell Divorcee Dish EJ

Modern dating comes with its fair share of complexities, but two behaviors that seem to plague relationships more than ever are ghosting and gaslighting. While each is harmful on its own, they create a profoundly unsettling and toxic dynamic when they occur together. Understanding how these behaviors intersect can help you recognize them and take steps to protect your emotional well-being. What is Ghosting? Ghosting is a sudden, unexplained disappearance from a relationship or budding connection. One day, the person texts you nonstop, makes plans, and shows interest. The next, they’re gone without a word. This silent treatment leaves the person on the receiving end confused, hurt, and questioning what went wrong. What is Gaslighting? Gaslighting, on the other hand, is a form of emotional manipulation designed to make someone doubt their reality or perceptions. A gaslighter might deny saying or doing something hurtful, accuse you of being overly sensitive, or twist the truth to suit their narrative. Over time, this erodes the victim’s self-esteem and trust in their judgment. The Overlap: How Ghosting and Gaslighting Combine When ghosting and gaslighting happen together, the impact is amplified. Imagine being ghosted by someone you thought you had a strong connection with, only to have them reappear later with excuses or dismissals that make you question your feelings and experiences. Here’s how the two behaviors intertwine: Reappearance and Denial : After ghosting you, the person may return and pretend nothing happened. If you confront them, they might downplay their absence (“You’re overreacting; I was just busy”) or shift the blame onto you (“I thought you didn’t want to hear from me”). Confusion and Self-Doubt : The sudden silence followed by manipulative explanations can leave you questioning whether you were the problem. This cycle of vanishing and invalidation is emotionally draining and can make it challenging to trust future relationships. Control Through Ambiguity : By ghosting, the person avoids accountability. When they return with gaslighting tactics, they regain control by rewriting the narrative, making it harder for you to hold them responsible for their behavior. Why People Engage in This Behavior: People who ghost and gaslight often struggle with their emotional issues, such as fear of confrontation, lack of empathy, or an inability to communicate effectively. While this doesn’t excuse their actions, understanding the root causes can help you see that their behavior reflects their shortcomings, not their worth. Recognizing the Signs To protect yourself from the toxic combination of ghosting and gaslighting, watch out for these red flags: Inconsistent Communication : They disappear for days or weeks, only to return as if nothing happened. Shifting Blame : They make you feel responsible for their lack of communication or emotional distance. Invalidation : They dismiss your feelings or accuse you of overreacting when you address their behavior Control Through Uncertainty : They keep you guessing their intentions and commitment. How to Protect Yourself If you suspect someone is ghosting and gaslighting you, here are some steps to safeguard your mental health: Set Boundaries : Communicate your expectations for communication and accountability. It may be time to walk away if they don't meet these standards. Trust Your Instincts : If something feels off, don’t ignore it. Your feelings and perceptions are valid. Seek Support : Talk to friends, family, or a therapist to gain perspective and emotional support. Focus on Self-Care : Prioritize activities that boost your confidence and well-being. Remember, their behavior says more about them than it does about you. Ghosting and gaslighting are harmful enough on their own, but when combined, they can create a whirlwind of emotional turmoil. Recognizing these behaviors and understanding their impact is the first step toward breaking free from the cycle. By setting boundaries, trusting your instincts, and seeking support, you can protect yourself from the damage they can cause and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships in the future. These two make you doubt your worth and question what went wrong. Remember, if you are dealing with a situation like this, hold tight to your values and do not let anyone feed you BS that fills the air with words that do not make sense. Peace out! Erin