I know from experience that letting go of a toxic relationship is not easy. I've been there and know how hard it can be to realize that you're better off without someone who doesn't deserve your love. But here's the thing: if you let yourself regret ending something terrible, you give them power over your life. And that's just not fair or healthy for anyone. So instead of looking back with regret (and wishing things had been different), let yourself celebrate how much healthier and happier you feel now that you're away from an unhealthy relationship or situation. Here’s how:
Have zero regrets about your divorce.
Divorce can be a good thing in most circumstances. It's not the end of your life, and it certainly won't be an easy process, but it will make you happier in the long run. You'll be able to move on and may find someone better suited for you than your ex-spouse. Your kids will also benefit from having their family shaken up because they can finally get the attention they need from both parents instead of just one parent all the time (or none). So, from where I’m standing, there are no regrets associated with divorce.
Have no regrets about ending toxic relationships.
I’m not saying you should make a hasty decision to end a relationship, but once you have decided and broken it off, ditch any regrets. When we are in toxic relationships, we often think back on how good things used to be when we were happy together. We think about what could have been if this person or I had changed... but now it's too late!
And yet, sometimes those thoughts lead us down paths of regret: "I wish I hadn't ended things with him/her." "What if he/she comes back?" "Maybe things would be different now?"
It's important not to let yourself get caught up in these thoughts because they will keep your heart open for more hurt and pain by reminding yourself just how badly things went down.
Forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself for the past, forgive yourself for your mistakes, forgive yourself for your failures and insecurities. Forgive yourself for your fears and shortcomings. You are human and will make mistakes, but that doesn't mean you're a failure or worthless person because of them.
Be kind.
Please be sure to practice kindness towards yourself. Kindness is the practice of treating others well, but it can also be a powerful tool for self-care. We feel better about ourselves and our circumstances when we treat ourselves with kindness and respect. This leads to improved health, happiness, and productivity in all areas of life. And, of course, practice kindness towards others: Make time for people who make you happy; give compliments freely; help those in need; ask "How are you?" not "What do you want?".
Time to Dish:
1) Do you feel regret? If so, why?
2) Do you want to feel better about a past or current situation? How will you help yourself do this?
3) Do you practice kindness towards others and yourself?
4) What is making you the happiest right now?
Until next time, treat yourself well with no regrets,
Erin