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Single & Ready to Mingle



You've made it through one of the most challenging periods of your life, and you're back on your own two feet and in charge of how you want to live. That's a pretty cool feeling but it can also be scary and overwhelming. However, if you take it one step at a time, there's no reason why this transition should be anything other than positive for your life.


Start by stopping comparing yourself to other people. There are many ways in which you and other people differ. You might be a woman, and he is a man; one is tall, another short; one has brown hair, another blonde. The list goes on and on; remember, they don't share the same experiences or life as yours. You know you or are getting to know the new you.


Now that you're single again, it can be easy to feel like your emotions are

great some days and not others; at some point, they will stop changing every few minutes.


Note: Your feelings aren't as random as they seem; they're part of a natural cycle called "the grief process." This means there are certain stages we go through when someone leaves us (or is ill or dies), or something goes wrong in our relationships with others. They include shock/denial; anger; bargaining; depression; acceptance. These stages aren't necessarily linear or predictable (in fact, many of them skip around quite a bit), but understanding them can help us know what kind of things might happen during this period so we can better understand ourselves and prepare ourselves for whatever else may come next.


Best case scenario? Permit yourself to feel all your feelings. That's right, because you should be allowed to handle your feelings about being newly single! Sad, angry, frustrated, and even happy are all normal emotions that come with this time in your life. And if you feel a mixture of all these things at once? That's fine too!


While growing up, you may have been conditioned that it's not okay for someone who has lost a loved one or been through some traumatic event (like divorce) to be sad while also being happy at the same time. But guess what? There’s no rule against having conflicting emotions all at once, and there shouldn't be any rules about how we express ourselves, either, especially when it comes down to something as personal as our own emotional experience during times like these (read: divorce) when there isn't an easy answer or solution available anyway!


After divorce, being a single man or woman is an opportunity to grow, find yourself, and live on your terms. Your terms. You also don't have to rush into a new relationship, for goodness sake. Take time to heal from the emotional trauma of divorce and focus on yourself. Here are some ways to use this time:


· Spend more time with friends and family. Being alone can lead to depression or loneliness, so you must surround yourself with positive people who love you unconditionally (even if they don't always agree with what you're doing).


· Explore new hobbies or interests. Now is an excellent time for reinvention! Try something new, like learning to play a musical instrument or taking karate classes at the local gymnasium (that’ll eliminate any residual feelings of anger over your ex!). Whatever makes sense for your lifestyle right now will help keep things fresh while also delivering a balance between your work/life responsibilities!


· Travel! A trip is an instant refresher, whether going away somewhere close to home, like a local hotel, or jetting away somewhere. It would be best to remember that being single after divorce is not permanent and doesn't mean your life is over. It's a new beginning and an opportunity to grow, find yourself, and live. The critical thing to remember is that there will be good and bad days, but if you keep putting one foot in front of the other, things will eventually improve, and you’ll start to feel better before you know it.


Onward & Upward,

Erin


Time to Dish:

  • What new activities have you done since being single?

  • Have you picked up a new hobby? If not, what are you interested in?

  • Think about how to meet new people. Journal it.

  • Are you interested in someone? Don't be afraid to tell them.

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