Right before your divorce is final, you may feel a lot of uncertainty about your future. In fact, I know you will. However, this is NORMAL.
Undoubtedly, this is one of the top stressors in life and can be one of the most major down moments in your life. Luckily, some never have to experience it (very rare), while some can relate to every aspect and share what they have gone through after only the first three months or so after a divorce (very in tune; they knew divorce was for them).
Recently, I joined a Facebook group because I was looking for support. Lemme tell you, seeing the pain that newly separated or divorced folks are going through makes my heart ache for them. And full disclosure, it brought up a lot of memories. There are many reasons couples split nowadays and just as many ways people handle divorce.
When it’s a toxic divorce, it may include the following signs: 1) Your ex avoids you at all costs. 2) Your ex – makes it difficult even to get close to getting the papers signed. 3) You both start fighting over finances – not knowing that divorces do take a considerable toll on finances and credits scores (though there are ways to build it back up quickly). 4) They must show up at the right time when it's time to meditate (sabotage). 5) The ex makes it difficult for the children. 6) They do not have a lawyer, so you do all the heavy lifting. 7) They will not cooperate on the little things. 8) You trash-talk each other in front of your kids.
You think "this person I truly loved and was married to me is acting like this?" WTF? Then in a somewhat more civil divorce: 1) You talk about the next steps. 2) You agree you must do what is best for you and your children (if applicable). 3) You both are practicing taking time for yourselves and moving through the initial feelings of the divorce. 4) You are amicable and even meet up to discuss what’s happening and remain friends. 5) You agree to disagree on topics related to your situation and move on. 6) You both practice active listening when the other is concerned about a situation happening in the family. 7) You both seek to get a peaceful closure. 8) You prioritize yourselves and take care of yourselves because it’s not a situation where you sign the papers and then walk and never talk again.
Here at Divorcee Dish, we hear stories from everyone unique. Our best advice is to think before you speak, keep your feeling in check, listen to your lawyer or mediator, then begin your new life. Peace, Erin