V: is for Voice

Stepping up and voicing your wants and needs through a divorce period can be the best thing you ever do for yourself.

How do YOU want this divorce to go? Amicably or not? What do you want from this experience, and what do you NOT want to happen? What do you want for your family?

You have a voice now: use it. Some people are subdued by the devastation of divorce and lose their vote for the interim. However, whether you or your partner wanted this divorce, voice your needs to your lawyer or therapist; now is not the time to use your voice to spread insights into your situation.

Again, your voice needs to go through to the right person; this is key. It’s not advised to use your voice during a divorce to gossip with friends or trash talk your soon-to-be-ex (even though your friends and family may already know the situation); be careful whom you talk to so the process is smoother.

Also, do not use your voice pre-divorce on social media channels, especially when you have a toxic situation. DO NOT use social media to take down your ex. Here is an excellent article by Modern Family Law on five things not to post post-divorce.

Whom you talk to is up to you; we recommend a tight-knit group because you never know what the outcome of a conversation can have on your divorce.

If you have children, their voice needs to be heard as well. Children are trying to process what is going on, and it's so important to take that time to sit them down and listen.

Children do NOT need to hear the details of why mommy or daddy are splitting up, but they need to understand their voice is being heard. Check out this blog post: Giving Children a Voice during a Divorce by Seattle Divorce Services.

All and all, use your voice to lay out a smooth plan for your divorce. After your divorce, you will have more freedom to share information; believe me, you will have so many people to support you, and you can fill in the details then.