Being alone hurts sometimes. OK, more than just occasionally. OK, a lot.
I've touched on loneliness before on this blog, but it bears repeating how hard it can be, especially with the holidays mere days away. However, lately, I've been trying to learn how to cope with loneliness and still be robust. Yep, robust. As in, "I need to get my ass out of bed, get breakfast going, get the kiddos out the door and start on the million and one work and personal projects I need to finish before it's time to turn in for the night."
Loneliness is a weird thing, especially after going through a divorce. While it's a relief to be separated from your not-so-well-suited former partner, I don't know about your, but I still yearn to be near someone else. A new partner? A lover? A friend? All three? Perhaps. My subsequent love interest may be at the coffee shop the next time I make an espresso run. Or maybe he's someone I already know, yet he hasn't told me. Or is there a mystery man out there I have yet to meet? Being alone and sometimes feeling like no one cares enough to check in on you (NOT entirely true, you do have family, friends, and loved ones; I'm talking a "special someone") and thinking about you hurts. OMG, I never expected to feel this way. My heart has had losses; sometimes, it seems almost too much to bear. At times, I am at a loss on where I should turn when it comes to finding Mr. Right or, at the very least, Mr. For-The-Time-Being. And I'm so over dating sites there should be a new word for 'over'. They're abhorrent, setting you up with high expectations, hoping for some connection, but it doesn’t happen. People are beyond ridiculous with nude selfies taken in the gym or the bathroom. Not one single person serious about dating would do that. They want a booty call, plain and simple. How about a site whose members' motto is "let me treat you like a human being and get to know you." Now that's a novel concept in this day and age.
The whole dating thing is crazy frustrating, whether oonline or through a friend, chance encounter, or other circumstances. And even if you connect with someone, it's hard to tell if they're serious about dating or want a quick lay and then are off to the next person. It is complex and confusing – do you accept “never married and no kids” – i.e., did they miss out
earlier or were they so caught up in themselves that they just never settled? I've met some incredible humans who wanted love and contentment but never settled down even when they had a perfect match, and they left, bopping along and bedding down with one person to the next. To me, it's sad, but I guess some really wonderful people are terrified of any kind of connection or commitment.
So there you have it; I've gone from starting this missive about feeling lonely to the trials and tribulations of dating in just five paragraphs! But in all seriousness, while being alone is sometimes scary, you absolutely must love yourself before you can genuinely love anyone else. But you knew I was going to say that, didn't you? Yet it's so true. And no matter how lonely you are, what time of year it is, if you're dating or single, always do your best to be confident and secure, even on those days you want to crawl back in bed and eat an extra large supreme pizza with a pint of Ben & Jerry's on the side. Because at the end of the day, loneliness will always come and go; however, it may just be the one life lesson to endure for a happy future, one that's fulfilling and is always enough...whether you're alone or not.
Questions to ponder per the above:
When you feel lonely, do you reach out to old loves?
Where do you find confidence in the lonely moments?
What makes you feel better?
Can you indeed find someone in this virtual world?