Divorce is a stressful time for any family, but it doesn't have to be something that tears you apart as a couple or pits a parent against a child or vice versa. What to do? Here is a list to review as you transition into the process:
Be honest about your feelings. You may think that the person you're divorcing is terrible at the time, and it's easy to let anger get in the way of rational thinking. However, being honest about your feelings will help you move past those feelings and help find solutions for situations like child custody or property division.
Be honest about your finances and have an expert look over them. This is crucial. If financial issues are involved in the marriage dissolution process, such as alimony or child support payments due by one party after the divorce has been finalized (or before), having an expert look over these documents can make all the difference in obtaining fair results from the court system.
Consider financial areas where dishonesty comes into play - such as income tax evasion or hiding assets from creditors- hire an accountant who specializes in this area.
Be reasonable and fair. Yes, FAIR. You may know what you want, but it's also essential to consider the other person's needs. This can help you find a solution that works for both and avoids unnecessary conflict or stress.
Be realistic: If there is no possibility of compromise and resolution, it might be best to avoid dragging things out unnecessarily. This is when you run, don’t walk, to a reputable attorney or mediator who can help issues quicker than dragging them out over months or years.
Be flexible. Refrain from getting too attached to any idea if another option works better for everyone involved…even if it means letting go of something important (like custody rights).
Now for the biggie: Communication. It’s much more than just talking, and it's much more than just listening. And it's not about arguing or avoiding conflict. Fair-for-both-sides-involved communication is sharing information and feelings that allows both people to understand each other while respecting the other person's perspective and needs. Did you read that carefully? If not, do it again because effective communication involves listening carefully to what the other person has to say, thinking about it carefully before responding (instead of reacting), and speaking clearly so that your message comes across accurately. This will ensure your soon-to-be or ex-partner feels safe enough to share their thoughts honestly. A win-win!
You'll also need to let go of expectations about how things should look or feel for both parties involved. If one person wants something done one way and another wants another, then compromise is essential. Consider how this could benefit both of you instead of focusing solely on what YOU want out of life now. That stated, it’s crucial to realize that divorce is not the end of the world for your peace of mind and ultimate well-being. I promise! There are many reasons why people get divorced, but the process doesn't have to be filled with drama and negativity. It is possible to co-exist on this planet with your ex and maybe even have a happy life after divorce, moving on without guilt or shame.
My final words? You will get through this challenging time if you stay strong and focused on yourself during this process. You may become such an independent and robust badass that some people may not recognize you anymore 😉 And DO NOT let anyone tell you how long it may take because everyone handles situations differently depending on their own experiences in life thus far, so keep moving forward towards your brand of happiness.
Remember that there are no hard and fast rules about how to do it, just as long as both parties can ultimately agree on fair terms for you both. Most importantly, you and your ex-partner are happy with the results!
You got this!
1. How did you make your divorce peaceful?
2. Did you both use a divorce lawyer?
3. How did you feel right after your divorce?
4. What was your best coping mechanism?