Hey Dishers, I'm back on a more regular blog schedule and am kicking it off with something that's been on my mind a lot lately: Do you often feel defeated?
Your divorce is over, you've settled into your new lifestyle, have a great group of friends, then one day you have this overwhelming feeling of defeat. Well, I am currently there (one of the reasons I've taken a writing break) and it's not only related to my feelings about divorce. It's because your kids are hurting (unrelated to divorce), you feel pulled in a thousand different directions, and you must work with minimal play. Then after you complete your work, exercise or work out, feed yourself, and try and settle in for the evening, your body is like NOPE, you can't right now. You're gonna be restless (fan-f***ing-tastic), just what you don't need at the end of a long, busy day.
The one thing you need right now is inner peace and contentment. Most days you probably feel like you had it, but then you lost it in the ins and outs of everyday life. Example: My kids are so busy that they say, “I’m so stressed,” which triggers me to feel/say how can I help you or carry your burden? With school, sports, homework, and extracurricular activities, it starts to spin, and now it and I are out of control. You grasp for the calm and pray your body listens; however, sometimes it doesn’t without help.
Here's what I've been doing and it's important: I get up to meditate which can take on many forms, for example many, many days I take an hour to jam out, sing, and maybe cry to some of my favorite tunes. And it is SO empowering and soothing. Then I may journal or take my time getting the day started so I don't feel rushed by anyone or anything. Listening to music soothes my soul and helps me work through most crisis-feeling moments. I highly encourage this and as the saying goes, "dance like nobody is watching." In fact, I have a sign in my kitchen that states “this kitchen is for dancing,” and I don't give a damn if a neighbor or anyone else sees me, absolutely not. I have to do what I have to do, and right now, what I'm loving is doing my dance!
So, wrap your heart and soul around something you love - music, exercise, meditation, whatever - and take that time just for you. Pinky swear I promise any feelings of defeat will disappear.
Let's close with three simple questions and really think about these and how you work them out:
How do I cope on down days?
What ultimately will get me out of the rut I'm in?
If defeatist feelings resurface for some reason, what is my go-to m.o.?