Red Flags vs. Green Lights: Modern Dating

(And Why We All Need a Yellow Light Too)

Remember playing Red Light, Green Light as a kid?

• Run when it’s green.

• Stop when it’s red.

• Freeze when you’re caught in between.
  

Dating later in life isn’t much different — except now, there’s a yellow light… and it matters more than ever.

When you’ve lived, loved, married, divorced, healed (or are healing), you don’t get the luxury of reckless sprinting anymore. You also don’t need to slam on the brakes at the first unfamiliar moment.

You need awareness.

So let’s talk about red lights, green lights, and the underrated yellow light of modern dating:

Red Light: Full Stop

These are the non-negotiables. No bargaining. No “maybe it’ll change.” No explaining it away because you’re lonely.

Red lights look like:

• Disrespect masked as “joking.”

• Inconsistent communication paired with excuses

• Blaming every ex for everything

• Rushing intimacy while avoiding emotional depth

• Refusing accountability or dodging hard conversations

• Love-bombing followed by withdrawal

  
  

If it’s a red light, you stop. Don't slow down. Not “see where it goes.” You stop — because you’ve already been down roads like this, and you know where they lead.

Green Light: Proceed (Thoughtfully)

Green lights don’t mean perfection. They mean safety, consistency, and alignment.

Green lights sound like:

• Words match actions

• Clear communication (even when it’s uncomfortable)

• Respect for your time, boundaries, and pace

• Emotional availability

• Curiosity about you, not just access to you

• Accountability without defensiveness
  

A green light doesn’t mean sprint; it means you can move forward without abandoning yourself.

Yellow Light: Slow Down & Observe

Yellow lights aren’t deal-breakers — they’re data points.

Yellow lights include:

• Recently divorced and still processing

• Emotionally guarded but self-aware

• Different communication styles

• Busy life seasons

• Hesitation around labels or timelines

Yellow light doesn’t mean stop.It means pausing, watching, asking questions, and checking in with yourself.

Have we made the same mistake before? We treated yellow lights like green ones — or red ones like “fixable.” Wisdom is knowing the difference.

Why This Matters

Modern dating isn’t about chasing chemistry at all costs. It’s about protecting your peace while staying open to connection.

By now, you’ve learned:

• Love shouldn’t hurt constantly

• Attraction alone isn’t enough

• You don’t need to convince someone to choose you

The game changes when self-trust becomes the goal — not just a relationship.

Play the Game Smarter

In the kids’ game, the winner isn’t the fastest runner — it’s the one who knows when to move and when to stop.

Modern dating works the same way.

Watch the lights.Trust your instincts Don’t rush the finish line.

Because the real win isn’t finding someone to have fun with, to bring you peace, but the wondering "if" or "when" it’s finding someone without losing yourself.