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Tempted (but not really).

So here you are, dating again, or at least trying. Congratulations, you've at least crossed that hurdle. However, you've found that the person you are pursuing is into you sometimes and not so much at other times. BUZZ KILL.


How do you handle it? Here's how: Be what you were not in your last relationship. Put on those big boy or girl pants and confront the situation head-on.


Because here's the real dope: they're taking advantage of you when they have the time. You respond to them immediately, and they respond to you again...when they feel like it. Really? I don't think so.


I know you're tempted to go off on this person but trust me, you don't want to come across as crazy, which is the immediate impression someone has of you when you lose your temper. Handle it like the adult you are. You may not have been as gutsy in the past, but you're way more experienced now (you've been through a divorce, for God's sake). If this person doesn’t respond, they do not know what to say. You may want to treat them like a child and say, “please use your words,” yet their thoughts are lost in translation, and they come to you on an as-needed basis. Fuggetaboutit.


And unless you are OK being used (note to self: get some therapy), do NOT be tempted - I repeat - do not be tempted to re-engage weeks later when they ask, “What are you doing tonight?” Your reply to that one? “Thanks, but no thanks, I’ve moved on.” I.e., "bye girl/guy" Finally, whether or not you have moved on or not, don't let on, and don't let this person suck you back into their non-communitive world. Treat them as an adult stuck in a 13-year-old’s body.


One last thing: Since there are a million ways to reach people, be strong, and please try not to let this happen to you. It would help if you learned from it and never let it happen again. The gist of all this: Stand up for yourself and don't be tempted even if this person makes your heart flutter because, believe me (I've been there), they are not worth your time or the person who you are.


Questions to ponder:

  • Has this happened to you?

  • How did you respond?

  • What helped you NOT re-engage?

  • What words did you use, and did they get the message?

Team Temptation,



Erin

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