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Do I have a bad picker? What's on your radar?

How often have you asked yourself, “Why do I always end up with the wrong person?” It’s a frustrating and familiar question for anyone who has faced a series of romantic disappointments. You start to wonder if your so-called “picker”—that internal radar that draws you to certain people—is broken. But is it really about having a “bad picker,” or is something deeper at play?



Recognizing Patterns

If your relationships often end in heartbreak or dysfunction, the first step is recognizing any patterns. Are you consistently drawn to the same type of person? Maybe you’re attracted to charmers who turn out to be unreliable, or you gravitate toward people who need “fixing.” These patterns can offer valuable insight into your choices.


Our “picker” is often influenced by subconscious factors, like past experiences or unmet emotional needs. For example, stability might feel foreign or boring if we grew up in a chaotic environment. Recognizing these influences can help us understand why certain people catch our attention.


The Role of Chemistry

Let’s talk about chemistry—that undeniable spark that draws two people together. While chemistry can be exhilarating, it can also cloud your judgment. A firm initial connection doesn’t guarantee compatibility. Sometimes, that magnetic pull is your subconscious recreating familiar dynamics, even if they’re unhealthy.


Listening to Red Flags

How often do you ignore red flags because you’re caught up in the excitement of a new relationship? Maybe they make dismissive comments or avoid talking about their past. Ignoring these signs can lead to the same painful outcomes.


Part of improving your “picker” is learning to trust and act on your intuition. Pay attention to how someone makes you feel—not just during the good times but also when things get tough.


Shifting Your Mindset

Instead of asking, “Why do I always pick the wrong person?” try reframing the question: “What am I looking for in a partner?” List qualities you value, like kindness, stability, and shared goals. When you focus on what you want rather than what you’re avoiding, it becomes easier to identify people who align with your vision.


Self-Reflection and Growth

Improving your “picker” often requires looking inward. Are there unresolved issues that might influence your choices? Are you seeking validation or trying to fill a void? Therapy or self-help resources can be invaluable in uncovering these answers.


Giving Yourself Grace

Finally, remember that no one has a perfect “picker.” Dating is a learning process, and every experience—good or bad—teaches you something valuable. Be patient with yourself as you navigate the complexities of love.


Your “picker” isn’t broken. It might just need a little fine-tuning, and that’s okay. With time, self-awareness, and a commitment to growth, you can choose partners who align with your needs and values.



How many times have you felt like this?

Tell Divorcee Dish


EJ

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