Warning Trigger blog:
My parents divorced when I was 15 years old, my sister 8, my brother 5, and it was one of the most challenging periods of my life. I was a teenager lost in hormones and emotions. My sister and brother were too young to fully understand. My mom was devastated.
Over the first year, I remember feeling raw and I rebelled; boy did I rebel. However, I also stepped up to the plate and helped my mom. It was such a tumultuous time. My siblings
were at a loss. My sister was very close to my dad and it was particularly difficult for her. As the oldest, this took a big toll on me.
My dad quickly introduced his new girlfriend to us. Innocently, we did not know what to think. I remember being so confused and crushed that he had someone else, and my mom was really suffering.
My high school friends were there for me and supported my every move, but I often say I’ve been raising myself since I was 15, along with helping my sister and brother.
There was so much hatred in my parent's divorce that I knew if that ever happened to me, I would make sure it was as positive a situation as possible. Though I thought when I got married we would be together forever, as we all know since I began this blog, that wasn’t the case.
A few years have passed since my divorce; my twin daughters were 13, my son was 7, and it was the hardest thing we (me and my ex) ever had to tell these sweet children, who were so innocent. Emotions were raw for everyone. I was the one who moved out and needed a fresh start, and wow, did that hurt. Though knowing the divorce was the right thing to do after years of us growing apart it was, and continues to be, one of the most challenging experiences of my life.
You may feel like you can finally breathe in the early days of a split, but emotions will be there for years to come. However, I know in my heart my ex and I made the right decision as to what was best for our family.
As the twins have grown older and matured, they have worked through many of their emotions, however, my son is now showing symptoms of PTSD. He’s been triggered by his dad and I moving on in different directions and he has been asking, “Why are you and daddy not together?” and “Why didn’t you try harder?” and “All of this is so overwhelming," as tears run down his face.
I console him the best I can. However, I feel his raw emotions on that surface, which hurts me inside. My sweet boy is devasted and just now realizing it.
My ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship. We also promised the kids we would work together and have meals, some holidays, etc., which has and hasn’t worked over the past few years. It's a process.
My point is that raw emotion can hit anyone anytime, anywhere, and bubbles up from the past. Showing love and compassion and seeking therapy for you, your ex, and your children is key to survival. When those moments happen, stop what you are doing, listen and show LOVE.
One day we may heal completely but there is no definitive timeline I can give you on that. But here is something I promise will help even on the roughest days: Keep your head up and focus on the here and now. Take care of yourself so you can handle these situations.
Onward and upward,
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