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Divorce + Dating: Liars and cheaters.

I'm a firm believer in honesty and transparency in relationships. If you're going to be with someone, it's important that they respect your feelings, tell the truth, and be upfront with you about everything in their life. I've found that liars are unreliable people who will do anything to save face or avoid the consequences o

f their actions, which bluntly means they might not be worth your time or effort.


Here are some signs that can help you spot liars and cheaters:


The core of their issue is insecurity.

If someone is a liar or cheater, the core of their issue is insecurity. They are obsessed with keeping up appearances and maintaining control over their (and your) life, which can be healthy in small doses but becomes unhealthy when taken to extremes.

You are afraid of being found out for who you are--and then losing what matters most: your partner and friends. You may also fear being alone or judged by others for making mistakes (because all humans make mistakes).


If a person lies, they are not confident in their relationship with you or themselves.

Here it is folks, in black and white:

· Lying is trying to make yourself or the other person feel better. It's also a way to improve your position in the relationship.

· Lying is an act of self-preservation and self-protection, but it can easily backfire if you're not careful. If someone lies to you, they might be doing so because they think it will help them avoid getting into trouble or hurt feelings--but all they do is hurt themselves by making their partner distrustful and suspicious of them.

· People lie to others to make themselves seem more important or influential than they are.

· Lying is one of the most common ways people try to make themselves seem more important or influential than they are.

· Lying can also be a way for people who feel insecure about themselves (for example, someone with low self-esteem) to boost their ego by making others believe things about them that aren't true.


Lies lies lies lies lies.

Another way liars try to appear more important or powerful than they are is by telling lies that make other people look bad, like spreading gossip or starting rumors-so they look better in comparison. The liar might think: "If people think I'm so smart and clever, maybe they'll like me better. When someone is dishonest about a big deal like cheating, they're insecure about something else in the relationship. If someone is lying (there’s that word again) about a big deal like cheating, they're insecure about something else in the relationship.


That insecurity can be caused by low self-esteem, lack of social skills and emotional immaturity. Insecurities can also be tied back to trauma and abuse from childhood or adolescence that hasn't been dealt with yet (something I've written about before).

In my experience with clients who have been cheated on, it almost always comes down to one thing: They were afraid their partners would leave them if they knew how unhappy they were in the relationship.


Now for the cheaters.

Cheaters give themselves an excuse to be dishonest and get out of a bad situation without considering their partner's feelings. They don't think about how their actions will affect you, they don't think about the consequences of their actions, and they don't even consider how it would make YOU feel if you found out that they were cheating on you. Cheaters only think about themselves!


Like a liar, cheaters blame the other person for something that only THEY could control, like their actions. They're insecure and need to make themselves look better by making you feel bad about yourself or your relationship. They want to escape a bad situation without considering your feelings, so they blame YOU for their actions (e.g., "You got dumped because you weren't good enough!").


So, while there are plenty of good people are out there, liars and cheaters are most definitely in the mix. It's important to recognize them for the creeps they are and dump them before the above signs become too serious.


xoxo

Erin


Time to Dish:

  • Have you cheated?

  • Have you been cheated on? How did that may you feel?

  • Did you stay with the person that cheated on you?

  • If you are the one that cheated, why?

  • How did or do you recover from being cheated on or cheating?

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