The Hurt Beyond the Silence

No one tells you that the most challenging part of dating after divorce isn’t rejection—it’s the silence.

Not the kind of silence that comes with peace or clarity. But the cold, hollow, cut-you-to-the-bone type of silence that follows someone disappearing without explanation. One day, they're making you laugh, texting you good morning, and asking about your day. The next? Gone. No closure. No honesty. Just… silence.

It’s become a pattern. Not just for me, but for so many women I know—strong, intelligent, self-aware women who’ve rebuilt their lives brick by painful brick after divorce. We know our worth. We've done the work. And still, we find ourselves stunned by the lack of basic respect in today’s dating culture.

Where did the dignity go? When did it become acceptable to walk out of someone’s life without a conversation? To “ghost” rather than express a boundary? To treat people as if they’re disposable?

This isn’t just about romantic interests. It’s friendships, too. People who once showed up for you, who knew your story, your pain, your progress—gone when you needed them most. Disappearing isn’t just a dating trend. It’s seeped into every layer of connection. And it hurts.

We’ve confused avoidance with kindness. Some will say they didn’t want to hurt you by being honest. But silence is an answer—and it’s a cruel one. It leaves you second-guessing your instincts, your words, your worth. It’s emotional abandonment dressed up as emotional maturity.

I’ve cried over the confusion. I’ve stewed in resentment. I’ve blamed myself. But I’m learning that their silence says more about them than it does about me.

To those who disappear: You could have just said, “This isn’t working for me.” You could have chosen maturity, compassion, and honesty. Instead, you chose the easy way out. But for the person left behind, that choice echoes long after you’re gone.

To those still standing in the silence: You are not too much. You are not too emotional. You are not to blame. You are brave for showing up again and again with an open heart, even in a world that too often turns away. You are not alone in feeling disappointed, confused, and hurt. We feel it, too. And we see you.

Let’s normalize dignity. Let’s bring respect back into relationships—even the short ones. Let’s stop pretending that vanishing is kindness. It’s not. It’s cowardice masked as self-preservation.

You deserve more than silence. You deserve a goodbye. A thank you. A “this isn’t working, but I respect you enough to say it.”You deserve someone who shows up. Fully. With clarity. With kindness. With courage.

Until then, we hold our heads high, even when our hearts are low. We speak the words others were too afraid to say. We keep believing that the right people won’t disappear. They’ll stay—and speak.

Please know this continues and continues to affect so many of us. If you are doing this to someone, have at least a brief phone conversation or something. Silence is not the answer.

Erin