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Here we are, right smack in the middle of the holiday season, and boy, can it cause mountains of stress for anyone and everyone, whether they celebrate or not. The traffic, the crowds (the only good thing about that is that in 2022 people are back out and about after the pandemic, thank God), stores are short-staffed, inflation is at a 40-year high, budgets are limited, you may have family commitments seemingly everywhere and guess what kids? You're DIVORCED. You may want to scream, but I say no. Buck up, take it in stride, and commit to having a good time on YOUR TERMS. First and foremost, focus on what the holidays are about, not the stress of buying, buying, buying. Focus on the good times whether you celebrate Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza, or whatever, and revel in the wonderful people surrounding you: Family, friends, children, and new connections you've made in '22, whether a co-worker or fellow charity volunteer. Being divorced during the holidays can heap mega stress on you, but I promise you can make it more manageable. If you haven't set your holiday schedule with your ex by now, for God's sake, get on the phone and work it out! Be sure your kids and other family members know exactly what the plan is, and do not be afraid to say N-O to anyone and everyone else if you want time with your immediate family or friends who are like family. It seems most families try and switch off or shove 3-4 gatherings in one weekend to save face, but that’s not what the holidays are about, nor is it any fun. At all. Am I right? Yes, I am. Of course, you want to see Aunt Millie, Uncle Bob, cousin Chuck, and the new babies joining the family. You can make time for that, but it doesn’t have to be in December. January can be a bit of a letdown after December, so schedule some get-togethers in the New Year. And as far as those big family gatherings go, can you have a meaningful visit with 50 people in the room? Smaller gatherings mean so much more (and with the continued spread of severe illnesses this winter), I vote to stay closer to home. I love big family gatherings, however, take the pressure off yourself and do what's best for YOU (and your children if you're a parent). Don't let some bossy-pants family member guilt trip you into making an appearance somewhere you don't want to be. Make your feelings and plans crystal clear to everyone, and this may be the best holiday season you've ever had. (Oh, and be sure to jam out to your favorite holiday tunes, it's so much fun and a big-time stress buster! 🎄🎅🏻🎵) Merry, merry! Erin Question to ponder before the big day(s): · Do you have a plan for this holiday? · Are you happy with it? · How can you speak up and make changes if you are not? · What makes you most comfortable during the season?

Here's something to think about & ultimately relish or be so busy you can not think about anything. After a divorce, you may find that you are going to be your best company. This luxury will require some self yourself compassion & taking time for yourself, but it can be GLORIOUS. This past weekend when I didn't have my kids & had no plans, I tried to be a superwoman by doing house projects, working on my Mac, cleaning out my closets & watching movies. However, I did not get enough rest or take great care of myself. It wasn't that I was trying to get stuff off my mind; I was just in 'go mode,' & now that my kids are coming back to my house, I have a cold & am exhausted. My point is: DO NOT DO THAT. When you do have time alone & are at the point where you enjoy spending time with yourself, you can set some goals. But do not overdo them. It would be best if you took care of yourself, your health, and your well-being. Not so simple all at once, you say? Well, pick one of these: 1) Put your phone away & tell only the most essential people in your world you are detaching for a day (believe me, if they really need you, they'll find you; 2) Stay off email & social media for 24-48 hours; 3) Schedule a massage, pedicure, or manicure; 4) Take naps – you do not have to sleep all day long but do not feel one bit of guilt for just letting go; 5) Hire some help (if possible) to clean & help make food; When your kids ask what's for dinner, you can pull out something (make your world easier); 6) Have a friend over & reminisce about fun memories or create new ones; 7) Take a bath & soak while listening to your favorite tunes; 8) Designate tasks you do not have time for & you'll be pleasantly surprised how many people will jump in to support you; 9) Schedule time to block out your schedule & do nothing...zilch...zero. Just because you sometimes have urges to be busy all the time, slow your roll, people. I have learned from many experiences that it's not good for your mental or physical state. Take care of yourself! Onward & Upward! Xoxo Erin

THERAPY: One of the most important things you can do for yourself. Period. There's a heckuva lot of buzz about mental health these days - how could there not be with a pandemic, inflation & how it's affecting all of us? And here at Divorcee Dish, we're getting a lot of input & inquiries about your mental health right now. We all know we all need it, especially if you're going through a separation and divorce. Here's my honest take: Once you're ready to tap into it & embrace it, your mental health will give you clarity & help you recover from the harsh realities that often divorce barrages. Full disclosure: I've been in therapy for over 25 years; I deal with anxiety & depression. I simply needed weekly, sometimes two times a week, treatment. And it saved my life. My therapist is one of my best teachers & biggest champions in helping me cope with minor and significant issues. She makes me FEEL confident and resilient and consistently works with me to help bring peace to my world. Whew! However, not everyone wants to admit they need mental health help. That scares me sometimes, and I worry that people put up an “I am so strong front” and then crash, and their minds and bodies tell them, "nope, not today." LISTEN, listen & listen to your body and your mind. You have to recover from divorce, and your family needs time to transition; to do that, you have to take care of yourself. If you are not in therapy and unsure how to begin, there are many resources for you. Some psychologists specialize in divorce & family therapy or individual therapy for various topics. I wholeheartedly recommend it. I PROMISE there is absolutely no stigma attached to reaching out for help. Talk it out with yourself, your bestie, whoever. You'll be amazed how much better you feel when you speak out loud about your situation and do not keep it all buried inside. Remember, at the end of the day, YOU have the power and strength to heal emotionally, physically, and mentally. And just to put things in perspective, as you transition from married to a single life, there are a lot of surprises along the way (good and bad). Wanna be the rock star of your world as you trek the single terrain? Ask yourself these 3 questions & give an honest answer: 1) How can you benefit from therapy? 2). Do you currently journal? 3) Do you have friends and family that have great therapists? I can't wait to hear back from you! Xo, Erin

by Kirby Adams You don't have to be single or use online dating apps to appreciate the extraordinary real-life love story that led to the creation of Hinge, is the fastest-growing online dating site in the Western hemisphere. Justin McLeod, the founder and CEO of Hinge, grew up about 11 miles east of Louisville in Prospect, Kentucky. He was a kid who liked to be outdoors tromping around in the woods and climbing trees. During high school at Louisville Collegiate School, he still spent plenty of time outdoors as the captain of the school tennis team. The go-getter was also president of the student council and at 16 years old, had started his own web design and software company. "I would build websites for small businesses," McLeod told the Courier Journal. "It was like 1999 and I would build software that would let (businesses) update their own websites like a restaurant that had a special dish each night or a car lot that wanted to advertise certain cars." His entrepreneurship was encouraged by his father Ron McLeod, who owned a building supply company and his mom, Sandy McLaughlin, who was a district court judge. As McLeod's interest in computer technology grew, he went to several summer camps at Duke University where he took computer science courses and expanded his knowledge of coding. One thing worth noting about the young high school entrepreneur — he liked to party, a lot. "I got into a lot of trouble in high school. I was a pretty big party kid and drank a lot," remembers the 37-year-old. "Collegiate started a whole Parent Network thing because of the parties I would throw." Is online dating draining?: Here's how to step it up with 5 tips from the founder of Hinge As an undergrad at Colgate University in upstate New York, McLeod continued the fast-paced lifestyle that had gotten him into trouble in Louisville. During his freshman year, he met his college sweetheart, Kate. But McLeod's bad behavior resulted in an 11-year on-again-off-again love affair ending with Kate moving overseas for another man. Edit ImageAfter college, McLeod worked as a consultant in the healthcare field and perhaps, most importantly, he gave up partying and got sober. He then went to Harvard Business School where he found his niche in the technology field. But something was missing. Kate had slipped away and he hadn't found anyone to take her place. "When I was graduating from business school in 2011, I realized that I didn't know three-fourths of my graduating class," McLeod told the Courier Journal. "The way most people socialize in school is by going out to bars but I wasn't comfortable with that anymore so it made it difficult to meet people." So McLeod began working on a solution. He came up with an easy-to-use mobile dating app which he called Hinge. "At the time, people my age weren't using dating apps," he said. "But I knew there had to be other people like me who weren't interested in putting in all the effort to build a profile for something like Match.com or eharmony.com." He wanted to create an app to help people find others who shared social circles but didn't necessarily know each other — yet. "I wanted it to be more like real life when you are out and meeting friends of friends," he said. While promoting his new app, McLeod was interviewed by writer Deborah Copaken for Cafe.com. At the end of the interview, Copaken turned off her recorder and asked McLeod if he'd ever been in love — a reasonable question if you're talking to someone who created a dating site. It was that conversation, rather than the Cafe.com article, which truly sparked the publics' interest in Hinge. Copaken used the conversation she had with McLeod once she'd wrapped up the interview to write her 2015 New York Times "Modern Love" essay, “When Cupid is a Prying Journalist.” In the essay, Copaken recounted what occurred after she turned off her audio recorder and McLeod revealed his heartbreak. He was 30 at the time and still pining over Kate. He had created the dating app hoping to meet someone new but four years later, McLeod explained he had yet to find someone as great as his college sweetheart. Copaken understood lost love and told McLeod about her own missed opportunity with a man decades before. She convinced him that he would always regret it if he didn't give it one last shot with Kate. So the app developer flew to Switzerland to ask her to call off her wedding to the other man and move back to New York with him. Much to McLeod's surprise, Kate did and the two were married in Crested Butte, Colorado in 2018. In 2019, they welcomed a son.

I was dating after the divorce sucks. I sometimes feel as if I can be positive, but then I get let down repeatedly. Do you ever feel "he's just not that into you"? Well, I'm in it. I went on a date with someone a couple of weeks ago, and we had a blast. Dinner was eh, and we were both nervous; however, I made the best of it. Though he started the conversation by saying that he has NO time, he gets up at the crack of dawn, works 12-14 hours, works out, then sleeps "naps." In my head, I was like, "then why are we here?" (red flag one) ., but then I thought I was determined to have a good night. We proceeded to have drinks at a dive bar, and he immediately asked me out after that for the following Monday. Although he never confirmed and then called to say, are we one (red flag two); next, he said well, when are you free? I said, "Thursday," and we planned on then. He arrived and was overwhelmed by work. I had wine and snacks ready for us, and we were going to walk up to get dinner. Yet, alas, he goes to work, probably not needed but going for a promotion, so he feels as if he needs to, so we probably spent an hour together, then he left. 4 hours later, he was done (red flag 3). NOTE to all: Do not leave a date hanging unless it's life or death, or kids emergency, etc. He said oh, I will make it up to you on Friday, don't worry, and I'm so sorry. Friday comes, he calls me "on his way home," and I say, " so we are not on for tonight" - "I intended to take you out, but when you didn't answer your phone at 1 p.m., I figured you were busy with work, I even bought a 5-hour energy drink to take you out." My head, "seriously?" so I forgo other plans to wait for this guy (red flag no 4). He then goes to a concert as planned with his family and calls me to tell me he's leaving. I do not see a word from him, so I text---did they play this song? Response no, then crickets. The following day I hear NOTHING until around 7 p.m., just checking in and asking me out for Tuesday or Wednesday. On Tuesday, he checks his phone multiple times during dinner, not paying much attention to me. (red flag no. 5). We did have a good night, and I was happy I gave him a chance. I told him I was free the following night. He then calls me at 6 p.m. I'm headed home, and I'm wiped out. I even offered to make him dinner and let him chill after a long day. - "I appreciate it, but I'm going home to nap." Do I hear from him - not until after work, then Friday calls, on the way home from work, talks about a big weekend at the lake, lots of fun, and sleeping? Does he say, "when can I see you again?" or "hey, I know we just met but come down for the weekend" -NO. Then I discovered he had left his glasses there- I texted are these your response "yes, smiley face," Me: "do you need me to overnight them or something" - "no, they are from amazon, thank you for being so kind." (red flag--- I've lost track)." I text back "sure" and "See you "....because I am done with you. The moral is to watch out for the early red flags and RUN. This person is self-absorbed and focused on their career and money. I'm there, but I care more about people than money. Good Luck out there. Watch out for these signs!

You are freshly divorced and wondering what to do with your newfound time. You may have kids 50/50 or 100 % of the time. Though there are many times, you may be by yourself and curious. Curious about what is out there and the potential for a new connection. Our best advice is to slow your roll. Have some fun first and foremost because you need to release away from all the emotional tolls of a divorce. Don't take yourself or anyone else when you are freshly divorced. You may have been separated for an extended period, so you may feel like a connection is needed; however, hold up. Most say to wait up to six months before actually proceeding forward in a relationship. Expect it to be weird. Dating at any age is hard, but as we get older, it gets more interesting. Do not share much personal information when you first meet someone online; you may run into a fake profile. They shower you with compliments, but you go round and round messaging. We recommend a couple of weeks of staying within an app before giving out your phone number. On your profile, state what you are looking for; if you do not know - say it. It is OK; you need to explore and feel comfortable talking to this person in time. You will figure out what you want, and don't be afraid to set high standards. Lastly, before you meet them, please ask their last name and when you do meet, tell your friends where you will be, share your location on your phone and have a code if you feel uncomfortable and get out. There are many online opportunities to meet people, but to meet someone randomly in person is more challenging.

Well, you are out there again and looking to have fun, but is a booty call the best option, or would an open relationship suit you better? Once you are separated or divorced, you may think multiple times, how will I ever navigate this new age dating world? What do men want? What do women want? This age-old question is constantly evolving – whether you are seeking a long-term relationship, more casual, or just a fun booty call, be clear on what you are looking for and try not to deter. Sex can be a very intimate part of a connection with someone. However, sometimes you end up in an intimacy-only type of relationship. I do have friends whom our polygamy doesn’t bother a bit. I have friends who have “open” relationships – when I hear this, and I wonder if the other person knows it's open 😍. Whatever it may be, define it and be upfront. Suppose someone doesn’t have anything to offer you besides the physical part of a relationship. You must decide if that’s all right or if you think feelings may develop – possibly protect yourself from getting hurt down the road. In case you have been married for many years and are not sure about the terms of sexual partners or types of relationships, here is an excellent article to explain it all: Relationships 101: 14 Open Relationship Types.

Does your life feel chaotic all the time? Do you find yourself asking yourself, “How do I find peace in the chaos?” Well, I wonder no further because I’m sure I’ve found the answer in the words: Manifest it. Over the past two and a half years (and counting), life has been challenging and chaotic for us all. Starting with the biggest s## show of our lifetimes, in most cases, the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. Add to that the constant negative news influx (turn it off if you can), inflation and recession worries, violence, and fear wherever we go (I don’t know about you, but I’ve had practically everything delivered or have done curbside pickup since March 2020, damn the cost), and the state of the world in general. Add in the realization that we’re all divorced, throw in your daily/weekly/monthly schedule, whether planned out or in flux, and you have a recipe for feeling almost entirely out of control. I say almost because there are some beneficial ways to find the flow in the madness, and here are my top ones: · Know your boundaries; · Make clear and concise communication flows with your ex or whoever may be mediating separation-induced communications; · Rest (and rest and rest, for heaven’s sake): Your body needs a break from all the duties on your plate, including work, childcare, cooking, cleaning, etc., etc., etc. · Spend time with friends: Escape with your peeps, have a glass of wine (or two, wink wink), and share stories…I promise you’ll find you’re not the only one that needs a buddy break. · Practice box breathing, also known as four-square breathing, which involves exhaling to a count of four, holding your lungs empty for a four-count, inhaling at the same pace, and holding air in your lungs for a count of four before exhaling and beginning the pattern anew; · Run – I repeat, run, do not walk – away from drama, you are not available, and your body doesn’t need it; · Take a timeout: It’s OK to take a day and do absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing, besides eating and drinking (but try to avoid day drinking If you know what I mean); · Start and keep a journal to clear your mind…I’m here to tell you that my journaling – even if it’s just two minutes per entry – has helped me immensely; · And I’ve saved this one for last because I think it’s the hardest to do: Manifest what you want your life to look like and make yourself feel it has already happened. Period. Living in chaos will eventually take you down and out, which we cannot allow at this stage in our lives. You’ll feel drained and even ache from the exhaustion (full disclosure: been there, done it, continue to do it). Even if you only choose two of the above, make them part of your day. OK? Promise? Peace & love, Erin

Now that you’re divorced, you’re hypersensitive to the couples that seem to cluster all around you. Everywhere you turn you see a young couple in love or an adult couple in lust! Though you know you’ve been there at different points in your life, once you witness the happily paired off, it can create either feelings of disappointment or hope (I say let’s go with hope, but that’s for a later blog entry). So, all that lovey-dovey-ness going on begs the question: How much PDA is too much for most people? Hard to say because, culturally, there are pretty much zero rules for public displays of affection. According to Anjali Mehra, a relationship specialist based in Mumbai, “PDA is totally fine if you're holding hands, putting your arm around your partner, or giving someone a quick kiss, but anything more than that crosses a line.” But many couples feel like they can cut loose wherever they are, especially in the early “Oh, isn’t he/she a dream come true” phase. People get touchy-feely at bars all the time. And depending on what kind of bar you’re in, you can probably get to second base if you want, but that doesn’t green-light you to do it. Context matters here because an upscale wine bar isn’t the ideal spot for full-on canoodling, although a dive bar might be. Also, movie theaters have long been the go-to destination for PDA seekers because they’re dark and quiet. Relive your high school days by getting a little action at a matinee? That seems safe enough. But here’s the deal: Put yourself in someone else’s shoes, namely those around you. Likely one wouldn’t be offended by seeing others hold hands, kiss a little, or do that uncomfortable walk-and-embrace thing (which really only works when both people are the same height.) All of that seems appropriate enough but “You might be alarmed to see someone sticking their tongue down another person’s throat in the mall food court. Use your judgment,” Mehra says. My thoughts are to do what you feel comfortable with. Love is natural, even if it’s genuinely just ‘like.’ New relationships are exciting so test what you feel comfortable with and personally, I wouldn’t worry too much about what others think (although I do believe keeping your tongue in check in public is always a good idea). Perhaps dating PDA decorum is interpreted by many generational, old-school folks as “OMG, get a room.” In my opinion, however, in today’s world, the more love we show, the better. Although all in good taste (figuratively and literally) 📷 What are your thoughts? P.S. For other perspectives, check out Lifehacker’s article How Much PDA Is Too Much PDA? Until next time, Erin

You think you've moved on and are ready to return to the dating game. However, you still feel a little bit hesitant. Here are a few reasons why that may be the reason: 1) Your heart still hurts when you think of what is over now but in reality, you know it was for the best; 2) You unexpectedly see your ex out with a new person and you turn and head the other way; 3) You never set relationship boundaries or discussed when the other would move on so you get upset when you learn they have; 4) You get emotional when you see him/her on a dating app (e.g. Bumble, Hinge, Match, OkCupid, et al); 5) You start to date someone and all you can think of is your ex; 6) You take out things that bother you in your past relationship with your new person; 7) You freak out when the new person in your life wants to sleep over and you worry about the consequences in your mind and heart; 8) You reminisce and talk about all the good times you had with your ex with friends; 9) You talk to your ex like nothing has changed for either of you and though that time of communication can be good, unless you plan on trying things again there should be some distance between the two of you; 10) You cannot picture yourself with anyone else. You may feel one, two, or all of the above when you think you're ready to move on. If you start to have any of these reactions take a pause, journal, feel the feelings, and move through them. It's OK not to feel ready. And as we’ve said before, we recommend six months post-divorce before you dive back into the playing field, though for some it can take years. You're only human and you have feelings; it's OK to tell someone you are just not ready yet. Remember, you be you, and don't worry about anyone else. You got this but it does take time.

Give yourself room to roam this Holiday weekend! If you are freshly divorced, separated, or been divorced and still sorting out everything – you need to get out there and meet new people. Sometimes, people contact us to ask what I do with myself, “I am not ready for the online dating world, so how am I supposed to meet new people?” A: Find an event, or a good friend, or head out by yourself to a place you enjoy. Being single again doesn’t mean you have to stay inside and do nothing – unless you want to because self-care is number 1. Some new ideas of what you could do: 1) Most cities have a “What’s happening this weekend?” site or two. Pick something you are passionate about and head out there. 2) Walk in the park or hike in a new park. 3) Meet up with a friend for coffee. 4) Pick a new restaurant or favorite and take a book (or not) – order your favorite meal and a cocktail. 5) Labor Day is the last day for the pool, take a book and hang out or your headphones and listen to your favorite tunes. 6) Discover something new in your city, a place that you’ve never been but would love to experience. 7) Take a drive – you may find you enjoy the time and jam in your car. 8) Finish that project you have been seeking to wrap up. 9) Binge on a new show you have wanted to watch and enjoy. These are just a few ways to enjoy your freedom. Place a smile on that face and pick one or two to do. Song dedication to this #blog “Roam” by the B-52s.

The lyrics to the infamous Crosby, Stills & Nash song - If you're down and confused And you don't remember who you're talkin' to Concentration slip away Because your baby is so far away Well, there's a rose in a fisted glove And the eagle flies with the dove And if you can't be with the one you love, honey Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Don't be angry, don't be sad Don't sit cryin' over good times you've had There's a girl right next to you And she's just waitin' for something to do And there's a rose in a fisted glove And the eagle flies with the dove And if you can't be with the one you love, honey Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Turn your heartache right into joy 'Cause she's a girl and you're a boy Get it together, make it nice You ain't gonna need any more advice And there's a rose in a fisted glove And the eagle flies with the dove And if you can't be with the one you love, honey Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Love the one you're with Source: Musixmatch'r Our message today is DO NOT SETTLE; You Only Live Once if there is someone in your heart take the chance. You never know.