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Remember when you were in high school or college (or God forbid later in life) when it was such a kick to run out of the restaurant without paying the tab due to shitty service or being completely shit-faced. Or both? Yep, the ol' "dine and dash." A hoot and a rush at the time, but now there seems to be a new version we're calling "date and dash." This one's not so fun at all, and speaking of shit, that's how it can make you and the person on the other end feel because it's not always about him or her, sometimes it's you - yes you - with that 'get up and run as fast as I can' feeling. How many of you have thought you may have connected with someone, had a great conversation via a dating app, texting, or in person, then he or she takes off mentally (or worse, literally a la a trip to the bathroom that never ends) like it's the 50-yard dash? I don't know about you, but I'm semi amused sometimes by it but mostly appalled about how grown-ass adults can tuck their tails and run with zero notice. This is not ghosting, folks. It boils down to a vibe: they or you suddenly realize, "why am I even trying with this person?" and "we're on a path to nowhere." Ick. Why does this happen? Well, it depends on what you want and where you are in your 'singlehood'. Are you looking for just a friendship, a glass of wine with someone new, a hook-up (careful with that one), or do you want to explore even more? Before you jump, you need to know what you want and what is best for the two of you (mostly you, and that is not selfish at this stage). If it's going nowhere, cut your losses. And for Pete's sake, show some class and respect and tell them if you're the guilty party calling it a day. That stated, here are a few things to say instead of pulling a total disappearing act: 1) “I've really enjoyed our time together; however, I’m not looking for anything serious right now.” 2) “I'm currently separated and headed for divorce, so I’m only looking for something casual.” 3) “Thanks for reaching out, but I’m too busy with work and don't have the time right now.” 4) “My kids are my number one, and I feel this interferes with my time with them.” 5) “I'm not sure you hear me; I enjoy spending time when we can, but I'm just not ready to jump back into the relationship game.” 6) “Just not feeling this, and I’m so sorry. I know what I want, and I this just isn't it.” 7) “You deserve someone who can give you the love and attention you crave; I can't do that right now.” Those are just a few ways; some seem harsher than others but protecting others and your feelings with this kind of situation is of the utmost importance. You do not want to get “stuck” right after your divorce or separation and not give yourself proper time just to be you. Thus, I encourage each of you to take your time, and if you want to play for a while, at least be upfront about it. Other than anything light agreed upon by both parties can be great. However, there's no reason to simply settle for what you want from life, love, and relationships - you know, the big picture - because it's right in your face, right now, but with the wrong person. Remember, this is your life we're talking about, not a game of dine and dash. Xo, Erin Questions to ponder per the above: Are you in a situation that needs to end? Are you dragging someone around? What do you want out of life? When love enters, will I know?

Let’s face it, when you have family surrounding you during and post-divorce, it's wise to ensure they're supportive and NOT getting out of line. This is your life and your situation, not theirs. But families are complicated, and depending on how many siblings, parents, step-parents, grandparents, cousins, etc., you surround yourself with, everyone has an opinion, and few of them have filters when it comes to adding their two cents worth. How often have I heard “hear me out” from loving family members who have listened to my stories and either immediately commented or thought about it? At least 100. And whether they tell you what they believe in the moment or later on, trust me, they WILL voice their opinion. Whether you agree with their comments, here's the deal: Stick to your standards and your comfort level. And as we enter the holiday season - hallelujah to those who can jet off somewhere family-free! - most of us will face family members, those who are supportive and those who are not. Take some time beforehand to think about how you will handle unwanted opinions of your current situation when you're all together. It’s easy to fly off the handle when people tell you crap you don't want to hear, but bite your lip, keep your cool and focus on what's best for everyone. You'll thank yourself after it's all said and done. Here are a few things you can say to help you through these times. My advice: memorize them! “I appreciate your concern, and I hear you." “We want to keep this part of our divorce private." “I know you love me and want the best; thank you for being here." If someone shames your ex: “I understand your concerns about (insert name); however, we're working together to do what's best for everyone." “Though this is difficult for everyone to understand, we know you care and love us, which I really appreciate.” “I want to enjoy the holidays, and I’m taking it daily. I want to enjoy this time with the family rather than talk about the details of my divorce.” “Thank you for being here for me, but I'd rather not discuss the past right now.” Then turn it around and ask about THEM. Redirection works wonders! Remember to hang tough because everyone has an opinion, and you must ensure that while they may have good intentions, you create boundaries when discussing your situation. For Pete's sake, it's your life, not theirs. OK, that stated, I wanna know your favorite: Traditional turkey with all the trimmings or made-from-scratch, 5-layer lasagna?!

Here we are, right smack in the middle of the holiday season, and boy, can it cause mountains of stress for anyone and everyone, whether they celebrate or not. The traffic, the crowds (the only good thing about that is that in 2022 people are back out and about after the pandemic, thank God), stores are short-staffed, inflation is at a 40-year high, budgets are limited, you may have family commitments seemingly everywhere and guess what kids? You're DIVORCED. You may want to scream, but I say no. Buck up, take it in stride, and commit to having a good time on YOUR TERMS. First and foremost, focus on what the holidays are about, not the stress of buying, buying, buying. Focus on the good times whether you celebrate Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza, or whatever, and revel in the wonderful people surrounding you: Family, friends, children, and new connections you've made in '22, whether a co-worker or fellow charity volunteer. Being divorced during the holidays can heap mega stress on you, but I promise you can make it more manageable. If you haven't set your holiday schedule with your ex by now, for God's sake, get on the phone and work it out! Be sure your kids and other family members know exactly what the plan is, and do not be afraid to say N-O to anyone and everyone else if you want time with your immediate family or friends who are like family. It seems most families try and switch off or shove 3-4 gatherings in one weekend to save face, but that’s not what the holidays are about, nor is it any fun. At all. Am I right? Yes, I am. Of course, you want to see Aunt Millie, Uncle Bob, cousin Chuck, and the new babies joining the family. You can make time for that, but it doesn’t have to be in December. January can be a bit of a letdown after December, so schedule some get-togethers in the New Year. And as far as those big family gatherings go, can you have a meaningful visit with 50 people in the room? Smaller gatherings mean so much more (and with the continued spread of severe illnesses this winter), I vote to stay closer to home. I love big family gatherings, however, take the pressure off yourself and do what's best for YOU (and your children if you're a parent). Don't let some bossy-pants family member guilt trip you into making an appearance somewhere you don't want to be. Make your feelings and plans crystal clear to everyone, and this may be the best holiday season you've ever had. (Oh, and be sure to jam out to your favorite holiday tunes, it's so much fun and a big-time stress buster! 🎄🎅🏻🎵) Merry, merry! Erin Question to ponder before the big day(s): · Do you have a plan for this holiday? · Are you happy with it? · How can you speak up and make changes if you are not? · What makes you most comfortable during the season?

Here's something to think about & ultimately relish or be so busy you can not think about anything. After a divorce, you may find that you are going to be your best company. This luxury will require some self yourself compassion & taking time for yourself, but it can be GLORIOUS. This past weekend when I didn't have my kids & had no plans, I tried to be a superwoman by doing house projects, working on my Mac, cleaning out my closets & watching movies. However, I did not get enough rest or take great care of myself. It wasn't that I was trying to get stuff off my mind; I was just in 'go mode,' & now that my kids are coming back to my house, I have a cold & am exhausted. My point is: DO NOT DO THAT. When you do have time alone & are at the point where you enjoy spending time with yourself, you can set some goals. But do not overdo them. It would be best if you took care of yourself, your health, and your well-being. Not so simple all at once, you say? Well, pick one of these: 1) Put your phone away & tell only the most essential people in your world you are detaching for a day (believe me, if they really need you, they'll find you; 2) Stay off email & social media for 24-48 hours; 3) Schedule a massage, pedicure, or manicure; 4) Take naps – you do not have to sleep all day long but do not feel one bit of guilt for just letting go; 5) Hire some help (if possible) to clean & help make food; When your kids ask what's for dinner, you can pull out something (make your world easier); 6) Have a friend over & reminisce about fun memories or create new ones; 7) Take a bath & soak while listening to your favorite tunes; 8) Designate tasks you do not have time for & you'll be pleasantly surprised how many people will jump in to support you; 9) Schedule time to block out your schedule & do nothing...zilch...zero. Just because you sometimes have urges to be busy all the time, slow your roll, people. I have learned from many experiences that it's not good for your mental or physical state. Take care of yourself! Onward & Upward! Xoxo Erin

The world is a crazy place, yet you can find goodness in the company of good friends and family. Being divorced can be a challenging during this Holiday Season, nevertheless there is SO much to be thankful for in your world. I am thankful for the following: I am grateful for my children; I have three awesome kids. I am thankful for my home; I have made it my own. I am thankful for my family; especially my silly, crazy nieces and siblings. I am thankful for a warm bed; so nice to be cozy during the night. I am thankful for my daily latte; it brightens every day. I am thankful for my Peloton; it releases the stress I need to let go of. I am thankful for the @DailyCalm ; Meditation grounds you. I am thankful for wonderful neighbors who would do anything for me. I am grateful for all the silly nights with my friends and for laughing for hours. I am thankful for wine; wine can be good for the soul. I am grateful for my hometown, Louisville, Kentucky, its food, the bourbon, the people and the small businesses it supports like mine.It is a great place to be. I am thankful for my spirit of entrepreneurship and for always working on new adventures. I am thankful for the solo trip I took in April….it was just what I needed. I am thankful for new traditions. I am thankful that the two books I’ve been writing will be coming out soon. I am so thankful I started the Divorcee Dish Journey; I love writing and sharing stories with fellow Dishers. Those are just a few things I am thankful for, but there are so many more that warm my heart. What are you thankful for? Blessings to you all, Erin

THERAPY: One of the most important things you can do for yourself. Period. There's a heckuva lot of buzz about mental health these days - how could there not be with a pandemic, inflation & how it's affecting all of us? And here at Divorcee Dish, we're getting a lot of input & inquiries about your mental health right now. We all know we all need it, especially if you're going through a separation and divorce. Here's my honest take: Once you're ready to tap into it & embrace it, your mental health will give you clarity & help you recover from the harsh realities that often divorce barrages. Full disclosure: I've been in therapy for over 25 years; I deal with anxiety & depression. I simply needed weekly, sometimes two times a week, treatment. And it saved my life. My therapist is one of my best teachers & biggest champions in helping me cope with minor and significant issues. She makes me FEEL confident and resilient and consistently works with me to help bring peace to my world. Whew! However, not everyone wants to admit they need mental health help. That scares me sometimes, and I worry that people put up an “I am so strong front” and then crash, and their minds and bodies tell them, "nope, not today." LISTEN, listen & listen to your body and your mind. You have to recover from divorce, and your family needs time to transition; to do that, you have to take care of yourself. If you are not in therapy and unsure how to begin, there are many resources for you. Some psychologists specialize in divorce & family therapy or individual therapy for various topics. I wholeheartedly recommend it. I PROMISE there is absolutely no stigma attached to reaching out for help. Talk it out with yourself, your bestie, whoever. You'll be amazed how much better you feel when you speak out loud about your situation and do not keep it all buried inside. Remember, at the end of the day, YOU have the power and strength to heal emotionally, physically, and mentally. And just to put things in perspective, as you transition from married to a single life, there are a lot of surprises along the way (good and bad). Wanna be the rock star of your world as you trek the single terrain? Ask yourself these 3 questions & give an honest answer: 1) How can you benefit from therapy? 2). Do you currently journal? 3) Do you have friends and family that have great therapists? I can't wait to hear back from you! Xo, Erin

When you are going through a divorce, any aspect of it is painful unless you have an impossible situation where there is no other way out. Most of the stories I have heard are we just became different people, or we grew apart, or there was just a moment when we knew we had to make this move so we could be better people for our children. Whatever the reason, to fully heal, you must reflect on your journey as a couple. This is the beginning of my story. I met my husband in 1997; we were both dating other people and met while being servers. We slowly saw this innate and something we both wanted after not being happy in our current situations. We dated the same people through college and realized there must be more out there when we met each other. At that point, I had never cheated on a boyfriend, ever. He had been through some rougher spots in his relationship than others but had moved across the country to be with his person. Little did we know that within four months, we would be an item and move in together within a year. Then within two years became married in 2000. Our marriage was great the first year, every month, he sent me flowers, and we would go out with friends and such. We were very much in that marital bliss. Years went by, and we wanted children, which wasn't as easy as it seemed. I suffered one miscarriage in 2003, which was heartbreaking; then, through a rough battle with endometriosis, I had to seek specialists to guide us into how we could have children. A year of a couple of surgeries to fix "clean out" the endometriosis proved difficult for us emotionally and psychically. When you are trying to get pregnant, it just does not happen. That can be stressful enough to ruin a marriage. However, we remain hopeful, sad but hopeful. Regarding: Fertility issues, we will have a different blog focusing on that subject. After a year of trying, we discovered we were pregnant with twins. With the help of our fertility doctor, the twins would be born exactly two years later, on the same date we had pulled up to the hospital for a D & C. My water broke early one morning, and we met our beautiful twin girls within hours. So much excitement was going on but so much stress and worry about will we would be able to handle all of it. Of course, we did, but as all parents struggle at first, you become a pro in no time. However, I am going to be very direct. It is hard as af to live on no sleep, worry about your kids, will I keep them happy and healthy --- and of course, that never stops. During this phase, it was a time that my husband would have to travel a lot for his job, and I was often alone with the twins and enjoying every moment; however, after months of this, I started to become sad because I felt he was missing out on some of the development of the girls. However, I would continue to pick them up early from daycare every day and take them to the park to swing and watch as they became little people. After three years, we had grown out of our home with two munchkins running around our first home, and it was time to seek a more significant place. We fell in love with a house just three streets over, and we moved; little did we know, I was pregnant again, only to lose the baby shortly after moving into our new house. That was a very tough loss, and so many women/ couples go through this daily. I was shocked I was pregnant, but seeing that 8-week check-up and seeing no heartbeat caused a significant strain on us. I started to become distant but celebrated what I did have: two healthy girls, a new house, and new heartbreak. Peace & Love, Erin Share your story by emailing divorceedish@gmail.com

Communication is Key A well-known topic of contention between couples of all ages. How do we best communicate? Can we feel free to say anything and not be judged? Can we say nothing at all, and whatever is lurking goes away? Answer: Communication is Key. You must be able to talk to your partner, whether married, dating, or divorcing – clear communication is critical. Some say it is just my personality, or I do not know what to say….That is total bs. Everyone should and can say what they want; don’t be scared. The feeling you explore in your heart should be shared, honesty is the best policy, but when it comes to relationships, people seem to dance around the truth. I am so very guilty of that; you may have feelings for multiple people after a divorce; not only do you feel the guilt of your divorce, but you have these confusing feelings. However, you know damn well you would never get back with your ex. It's just grief and confusion that have overcome you. You will get past it. Moving on to the next is harder sometimes than you think. As I have experienced, you crave attention and touch but do not know if it's because you have not had that feeling in so long due to your divorce or if you have genuine feelings that need to be explored. Maybe……and that’s all right. You can feel free to do anything you want. Exploration is also key to moving on and feeling as if you may someday be ready to start anew. Back to the subject at hand, communication is critical. Be upfront and personal with your new person or persons. If you are not ready for a relationship, say it; just because you are dating doesn’t mean you are destined to be married to this person. Take time to explore; you may or may not have been in a long marriage, but again, do not jump right in; take time to see what is out there, and do not settle for anything but what you deserve. Your partner should be your best friend, your go-to, and everything else. Good Luck in your search! We are here for you. Divorcee Dish Team

by Kirby Adams You don't have to be single or use online dating apps to appreciate the extraordinary real-life love story that led to the creation of Hinge, is the fastest-growing online dating site in the Western hemisphere. Justin McLeod, the founder and CEO of Hinge, grew up about 11 miles east of Louisville in Prospect, Kentucky. He was a kid who liked to be outdoors tromping around in the woods and climbing trees. During high school at Louisville Collegiate School, he still spent plenty of time outdoors as the captain of the school tennis team. The go-getter was also president of the student council and at 16 years old, had started his own web design and software company. "I would build websites for small businesses," McLeod told the Courier Journal. "It was like 1999 and I would build software that would let (businesses) update their own websites like a restaurant that had a special dish each night or a car lot that wanted to advertise certain cars." His entrepreneurship was encouraged by his father Ron McLeod, who owned a building supply company and his mom, Sandy McLaughlin, who was a district court judge. As McLeod's interest in computer technology grew, he went to several summer camps at Duke University where he took computer science courses and expanded his knowledge of coding. One thing worth noting about the young high school entrepreneur — he liked to party, a lot. "I got into a lot of trouble in high school. I was a pretty big party kid and drank a lot," remembers the 37-year-old. "Collegiate started a whole Parent Network thing because of the parties I would throw." Is online dating draining?: Here's how to step it up with 5 tips from the founder of Hinge As an undergrad at Colgate University in upstate New York, McLeod continued the fast-paced lifestyle that had gotten him into trouble in Louisville. During his freshman year, he met his college sweetheart, Kate. But McLeod's bad behavior resulted in an 11-year on-again-off-again love affair ending with Kate moving overseas for another man. Edit ImageAfter college, McLeod worked as a consultant in the healthcare field and perhaps, most importantly, he gave up partying and got sober. He then went to Harvard Business School where he found his niche in the technology field. But something was missing. Kate had slipped away and he hadn't found anyone to take her place. "When I was graduating from business school in 2011, I realized that I didn't know three-fourths of my graduating class," McLeod told the Courier Journal. "The way most people socialize in school is by going out to bars but I wasn't comfortable with that anymore so it made it difficult to meet people." So McLeod began working on a solution. He came up with an easy-to-use mobile dating app which he called Hinge. "At the time, people my age weren't using dating apps," he said. "But I knew there had to be other people like me who weren't interested in putting in all the effort to build a profile for something like Match.com or eharmony.com." He wanted to create an app to help people find others who shared social circles but didn't necessarily know each other — yet. "I wanted it to be more like real life when you are out and meeting friends of friends," he said. While promoting his new app, McLeod was interviewed by writer Deborah Copaken for Cafe.com. At the end of the interview, Copaken turned off her recorder and asked McLeod if he'd ever been in love — a reasonable question if you're talking to someone who created a dating site. It was that conversation, rather than the Cafe.com article, which truly sparked the publics' interest in Hinge. Copaken used the conversation she had with McLeod once she'd wrapped up the interview to write her 2015 New York Times "Modern Love" essay, “When Cupid is a Prying Journalist.” In the essay, Copaken recounted what occurred after she turned off her audio recorder and McLeod revealed his heartbreak. He was 30 at the time and still pining over Kate. He had created the dating app hoping to meet someone new but four years later, McLeod explained he had yet to find someone as great as his college sweetheart. Copaken understood lost love and told McLeod about her own missed opportunity with a man decades before. She convinced him that he would always regret it if he didn't give it one last shot with Kate. So the app developer flew to Switzerland to ask her to call off her wedding to the other man and move back to New York with him. Much to McLeod's surprise, Kate did and the two were married in Crested Butte, Colorado in 2018. In 2019, they welcomed a son.

I was dating after the divorce sucks. I sometimes feel as if I can be positive, but then I get let down repeatedly. Do you ever feel "he's just not that into you"? Well, I'm in it. I went on a date with someone a couple of weeks ago, and we had a blast. Dinner was eh, and we were both nervous; however, I made the best of it. Though he started the conversation by saying that he has NO time, he gets up at the crack of dawn, works 12-14 hours, works out, then sleeps "naps." In my head, I was like, "then why are we here?" (red flag one) ., but then I thought I was determined to have a good night. We proceeded to have drinks at a dive bar, and he immediately asked me out after that for the following Monday. Although he never confirmed and then called to say, are we one (red flag two); next, he said well, when are you free? I said, "Thursday," and we planned on then. He arrived and was overwhelmed by work. I had wine and snacks ready for us, and we were going to walk up to get dinner. Yet, alas, he goes to work, probably not needed but going for a promotion, so he feels as if he needs to, so we probably spent an hour together, then he left. 4 hours later, he was done (red flag 3). NOTE to all: Do not leave a date hanging unless it's life or death, or kids emergency, etc. He said oh, I will make it up to you on Friday, don't worry, and I'm so sorry. Friday comes, he calls me "on his way home," and I say, " so we are not on for tonight" - "I intended to take you out, but when you didn't answer your phone at 1 p.m., I figured you were busy with work, I even bought a 5-hour energy drink to take you out." My head, "seriously?" so I forgo other plans to wait for this guy (red flag no 4). He then goes to a concert as planned with his family and calls me to tell me he's leaving. I do not see a word from him, so I text---did they play this song? Response no, then crickets. The following day I hear NOTHING until around 7 p.m., just checking in and asking me out for Tuesday or Wednesday. On Tuesday, he checks his phone multiple times during dinner, not paying much attention to me. (red flag no. 5). We did have a good night, and I was happy I gave him a chance. I told him I was free the following night. He then calls me at 6 p.m. I'm headed home, and I'm wiped out. I even offered to make him dinner and let him chill after a long day. - "I appreciate it, but I'm going home to nap." Do I hear from him - not until after work, then Friday calls, on the way home from work, talks about a big weekend at the lake, lots of fun, and sleeping? Does he say, "when can I see you again?" or "hey, I know we just met but come down for the weekend" -NO. Then I discovered he had left his glasses there- I texted are these your response "yes, smiley face," Me: "do you need me to overnight them or something" - "no, they are from amazon, thank you for being so kind." (red flag--- I've lost track)." I text back "sure" and "See you "....because I am done with you. The moral is to watch out for the early red flags and RUN. This person is self-absorbed and focused on their career and money. I'm there, but I care more about people than money. Good Luck out there. Watch out for these signs!

You are freshly divorced and wondering what to do with your newfound time. You may have kids 50/50 or 100 % of the time. Though there are many times, you may be by yourself and curious. Curious about what is out there and the potential for a new connection. Our best advice is to slow your roll. Have some fun first and foremost because you need to release away from all the emotional tolls of a divorce. Don't take yourself or anyone else when you are freshly divorced. You may have been separated for an extended period, so you may feel like a connection is needed; however, hold up. Most say to wait up to six months before actually proceeding forward in a relationship. Expect it to be weird. Dating at any age is hard, but as we get older, it gets more interesting. Do not share much personal information when you first meet someone online; you may run into a fake profile. They shower you with compliments, but you go round and round messaging. We recommend a couple of weeks of staying within an app before giving out your phone number. On your profile, state what you are looking for; if you do not know - say it. It is OK; you need to explore and feel comfortable talking to this person in time. You will figure out what you want, and don't be afraid to set high standards. Lastly, before you meet them, please ask their last name and when you do meet, tell your friends where you will be, share your location on your phone and have a code if you feel uncomfortable and get out. There are many online opportunities to meet people, but to meet someone randomly in person is more challenging.

Well, you are out there again and looking to have fun, but is a booty call the best option, or would an open relationship suit you better? Once you are separated or divorced, you may think multiple times, how will I ever navigate this new age dating world? What do men want? What do women want? This age-old question is constantly evolving – whether you are seeking a long-term relationship, more casual, or just a fun booty call, be clear on what you are looking for and try not to deter. Sex can be a very intimate part of a connection with someone. However, sometimes you end up in an intimacy-only type of relationship. I do have friends whom our polygamy doesn’t bother a bit. I have friends who have “open” relationships – when I hear this, and I wonder if the other person knows it's open 😍. Whatever it may be, define it and be upfront. Suppose someone doesn’t have anything to offer you besides the physical part of a relationship. You must decide if that’s all right or if you think feelings may develop – possibly protect yourself from getting hurt down the road. In case you have been married for many years and are not sure about the terms of sexual partners or types of relationships, here is an excellent article to explain it all: Relationships 101: 14 Open Relationship Types.