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Feelings are an exciting part of our lives. So many emotions every day; sometimes, you feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster – so hold on tight. Lately, I notice that when certain people reach out to me, my heart flutters, now, I'm currently not in any romantic relationship, but I can feel my heart opening up again. Heart flutters when it comes to love or likeness works when the brain sends signals to the adrenal gland, which secretes hormones such as adrenaline, epinephrine, and norepinephrine. They flow through the blood and cause the heart to beat faster and more robust. It can escalate at any time and could be a memory or hope for the future. I found myself fluttering today – when I thought of certain people. It felt so good to handle, but I quickly caught myself with a whisk of anxiety. Anxiety can cause flutters, too, and I'm sure all of us divorcees have had the moment where it turns into panic. I also had that happen to me today as well. When I look back at the triggers, I can not pinpoint the cause unless it's underlying stress. When this happens, I know I need to slow down and reaccess what I am doing and how I handle these moments. Right now, I get moving and work out to alleviate those jitters. However, let's get back to handling the heart flutters for people you know to trigger the good feeling and how not to allow the hormones to transition into that anxiety. Tips: 1: Mediate – to breathe and relax that brain of yours 2: Journal – if you can not express your feeling to the person or people, write them down. You may find a bit of self-discovery during this time. 3: Use guided imagery. Here is an excellent article by VeryWell.com to get started. 4: Drink Electrolytes – no, really, it helps. 5: Get moving – exercising in any way can help with those flutters. We encourage you to feel the feels when you get the opportunity. It makes you feel alive again. Should it start to go the other way, make sure, you use the methods above to insert the calm. The song that I feel aligns with this post: is Ed Sheeran's "Shivers" https://youtu.be/Il0S8BoucSA

It can be challenging when it's time to let go of someone you care for and appreciate. This can be your current marriage or a newer relationship – it’s never easy. However, you must be true to yourself and what you want in your life. If you cannot get there with the person you are dating or keeping in touch with; it's time to release this person and be completely honest. Honesty can be one of the most complex parts of a relationship; no one wants to hurt another's feelings, especially if there is nothing blatantly wrong with your situation. We’ve been asked if it is not “long-term” material, should I keep going through the motions and enjoy the moment? A: Yes, No, and It isn’t straightforward. You need to ask yourself whether you can go through the motions, knowing it's not going anywhere to fill a void in your life. Or do you move on quickly and get out before one of you has feelings on the edge of growing deeper? Every situation is different. Our advice – if you are not feeling it but having fun, live in that moment and be upfront with that person. If you are not into your person now, you will hurt the other person – get out before it gets too hard to handle. Maybe you are not looking for a long-term relationship, yet the other person is ready to move forward quickly; if you are divorced -do NOT get into a deep connection for at least six months; you will or may regret it. Even if both partners want it, letting go of marriage is still an emotional roller coaster; give yourself time to heal and not be pushed in something you do not wish to. We’ve watched many people jump quickly to bait emotions they do not want to feel. All we can say is, please take time to heal, and if that means letting go of someone you recently met, believe us, you will be thankful you did. You will look back and say, “I am so happy; I took care of myself and figured out what I truly want.” Do not settle for anything less than the best; after all, you only live once; shoot for the stars!

Life is back to busy now that the pandemic has lessened, and even then, life was still demanding. This blog will discuss how to handle the schedules of “divorced families” and still have a balance in your life. I remember speaking to a few of my divorced friends pre my situation. How do you balance it all? How can you be single, with kids, and still have a life of your own? A: You can; however, you must stick to your schedules for your sanity and kids’ sanity. Becoming a single parent is one of the most challenging tasks one can take on, even if you have a good relationship with your ex. Decisions still must be made in the kids' best interest, their new life must be transitioned carefully, and you need to try and organize it all. Are you ready? Thus, the schedules come into play, and so many combinations exist. When I asked my divorce lawyer, he said, “I have been practicing for over 30 years, and I have seen everything.” What to consider: 1) How many kids do you have, and what are their ages? 2) Does everyone attend the same school if you have more than one? 3) Does each of them play sports? 4) Do they need transportation during times you are working? 5) What would be a good balance for you and your ex? 6) How can you work together not to make a chaotic schedule? 7) Can you back each other up? 8) Do you have an ex that is out of the picture? Are you the only one? In this case, can you hire some support or have friends and family that can jump in? 9) What is best for the kids? There are many options to consider that help with custody boundaries (yours and the kid's). Sample schedules are as follows: · A week on Week off · 2-2-3 2 days on, two days off, every other weekend · Wednesdays and every other weekend (this was my schedule growing up in a divorced family, and I wouldn't say I liked it) · What are your “weekends”? Thursday – Sunday a.m. / switch o Friday, Saturday, Sunday · 4-3-4 · What does your divorce decree say? Is it flexible? There are excellent examples of joint custody on CustodyXchange. See one option below: A 2-2-5-5 arrangement means that one parent gets two days with the kids, the other gets the next two days with the kids, the first parent gets five days with the kids, and the other gets the next five days with the kids. This is a two-week repeating cycle. It looks like this in the calendar: Do what is best for the family and be flexible if possible. Good Luck Erin

Whether you have a tremendous co-parenting or relationship with your ex, there are a few rules out of courtesy to handle a new commitment. Just think YES, you want to move on, and so does your ex, who carries on first and is up to the skies. When the stars align, it will happen. Does it mean it's long-term or for life? No. However, we want you to be prepared for how you may act around the new person brought into your life by your ex. We would like to establish some working ground rules. 1) This is not the time to stalk your ex on social media or dig for information on who this person will be. 2) It’s not all right to cause chaos among your family by asking your children about your ex–new partner. 3) Make sure you talk to your ex about your new partner and when/if you will introduce them to your children. Most say wait for six that's but that’s a long time, and as we age and our kids are more in tune, that time may be too long. 4) Their new relationship does not erase your relationship with your ex. 5) Sit with your emotions and get to know how you feel about them. 6) You are an adult now. Act like one, especially around your kids. Should there be a meeting of the entire family before you are “ready,” – think of simple things to discuss and move on. 7) Establish some rules with your partner; for example, if your ex has to do something "g and the “newbie" in this relationship takes over a parental task – you need to be in the know. Your ex may trust this person, but you know nothing about them, and this is for safety reasons only. 8) Finally, share your feelings with trusted friends and your therapist. Working through that emotion will make you more substantial every day. Onward and Upward xoxo Erin

Have you met someone special? Are you ready for a new and possibly long-term relationship? Here are some things to think about: 1) Does this person meet your standards? NOTE: after a divorce, go for what you want; nothing should stop you. 2) How will you balance kids, let’s say, if this person doesn’t have them? Or you are on opposite schedules. 3) Do you have similar interests? 4) Can you get used to their quirks? Or is this something that will bother you down the road? --- again, do not settle; however, communicate how you feel. 5) How about meeting families? Did you gel, or did you feel uncomfortable? 6) Do you feel butterflies? If not, you should. 7) Where do you agree, and where do you disagree? 8) Have you researched this person on the web? 9) How long has each of you been divorced? a. NOTE: Avoid entering a long-term until 6-12 months after divorce. This brings too much pressure. 10) What is your end game? Overall, seek your happiness and be on the same page. Now, these questions pertain to entering a new, potentially serious relationship. A few more tidbits: Take your time. Be your true self. Be honest and upfront. Make sure you are equal in your relationship efforts. If you do not see what you want – get out of the relationship. We wish you love and happiness. You deserve it.

Have you been ghosted yet? Do you know what that stands for nowadays? Defined: Ghosting is a relatively new colloquial dating term that refers to abruptly cutting off contact with someone without giving that person any warning or explanation for doing so. Even when the ghosted person reaches out to re-initiate contact or gain closure, they're met with silence. Well, let me tell you, I have been ghosted a couple of times, and it is awful, but it also tells me there are people you would never want to mingle with long or short-term. Both men and women do it when they may find out something about each other they dislike or are just blatantly not interested. This leads me back to why can adults not communicate. When love or lust is new, there is a constant flow of communication beyond texting. If you enjoy time together, you may talk on the phone (Wow, what a concept- pick up the phone and hear the voice of someone you are digging for). Those were the good old days when they would call, and you were so excited to answer, and you may have spent hours on the phone or walking in the neighborhood. Today is about the “text” or social media/dating message applications. You could be talking and vibing with someone one day, and the next, it's like you never existed. Hence the word ghosting. In a recent ghost situation, I had someone say, “Oh, I don't always look at my phone in my pocket when I’m working” – ok fair enough; then there is silence. I said, “Can I ask you a question?” A: “ Of course” Q: “Are you interested in pursuing something or not?” A: SILENCE, CRICKETS. Please note that this person initiated the connection. Dating is hard enough without someone just disappearing on you; even though this indicates a great sign for you to answer, you know- You can do better! Additional resources are below: Here is an article about “ghosting” from Newsweek Why Men Ghost after three months

This weekend we're doing a deep dive on virtual dating because we continue to be in awe - plus every other reaction from horror to jealousy! - of your eye-opening stories. When you're newly single, especially in your 40s, 50s & 60s, it’s a easier to be fooled by another potential male or female paramour. It seems this demographic (which I’m in) seeks happiness and knows what they want; people seem to talk the talk but not walk the walk. This could be because we have been jaded by past relationships or spoiled. However, let me set some expectations – from my perspective. When chatting on dating apps or social platforms, e.g. Facebook Dating or random Instagram requests (please be VERY wary of these BTW) and others. Here's how: 1) Apps: Find one or two and pay for a membership, even for a short period. The reason is that people who are “verified” are less likely to be fake profiles, but there is still that chance. 2) Keep the conversation going on the dating application until you get a good feel for this person. If you are looking for a quick hook-up, this may move quickly, but if you are looking for a trustworthy partner, you will be willing to follow this rule. 3) Clean out: You will see many people on apps that do not fit your filters, and I suggest using the filters on any app that you use. 4) When chatting, as soon as you can, get his/her last name and look them up on social channels, whitepages.com, or the many other search platforms that are out there for background information. 5) Are they married or separated? Daters be warned: cheaters are everywhere, and you may end up in a situation that was innocent at the beginning and then hurtful in the end. Also, watch out for the “open relationship” folks – do their partners know they are in an “open relationship”? 6) Make sure you keep your profile up to date, and hopefully, the person you chose is not using 5-10-year-old pictures. The most ridiculous is the bathroom pictures via a mirror – these people are trying to show off or tease the goods. 7) Ask the right questions upfront, beyond the basics, and see if they are in “travel mode” unless you are looking for something quick and easy (you know what I mean). Now the questions: - Where are you from? - What city do you live in? - What are you seeking from these dating apps? - How has your experience been in the past? - If you have never been married, why? - If you have divorced and married 3x, why? - Get the details with the most critical question being, "what is your last name?" That last question only keeps everyone safe and if you cannot find anything else about them online about RUN...FAST. Dating is always an adventure but keep it a safe experience & always in your best interest. Know what you want and make that apparent upfront. Take care & stay safe out there, Erin

When reentering the dating universe, it can be tricky. There are so many options for dating sites beyond the traditional way of meeting people. I'm not too fond of dating applications, though I have had friends and family meet their partners on these channels. Though I loathe them, sometimes I feel it’s a necessary evil. I’m the type that gets on the sites to see if there are new people, then get frustrated and deletes my profile – even though I have been suckered into paying for the premium services. This still has not called me where I want to be, and reading people online is difficult. Are you feeling fireworks before you meet someone in person? Or are you looking for a Burning Flame (fling)? Of course, it may be both, but I will say the people I have met to date are nothing like their profiles except 1 or 2. My successes have been little, and even if you “like” them, it doesn’t mean the feeling is mutual. I advise asking what they are looking for upfront before getting into a long texting session. I also recommend thinking about what you want if you do not know it is all right. Exploring your new dating world at any age is tough. Technology has forced us to think that love doesn’t happen in the old traditional way…or does it? If you feel the fireworks go for it…. the flames may be the result, but you have to remember it's all-new, and you will make mistakes, but there will be victories and fun. Good Luck out there.

Embrace the changes that are happening in your life. Embrace the hope you have for the future. Embrace the possibilities of finding happiness. Embrace the positive. As you move through recovery and closure, we encourage embracing something new. Your life is on an entirely new path, and you are in charge. You may not feel like it depending on where you are in the process; however, there will be an enlightening moment somewhere along the way when you will embrace your new life. Embracing your life means being true to yourself and not living by someone else's rules or expectations. Living your best life can require choosing your authenticity over others' acceptance. Making peace with the one road we take in life makes all the difference.* You have the power within you to do so. Embrace and learn to love yourself. Forgive yourself and any mistakes you feel you have made. Embrace new beginnings. Embrace love and support from the people around you. You will look back and say, “I am thrilled you took that time for me.” We are here for you along your journey, and please feel free to share the different ways you embrace the world by contacting us here. *Source: Psychology Today

It's a hard one to deal with but here it is: Some people in your life continue to let you down. I had a lot of faith in a friendship I thought would last a lifetime once we reconnected. However, this person now continues to ignore me and blow me off. It's like a gut punch to the stomach, a terrible feeling, and I believed this person was someone other than what I had obviously built up in my mind. Although in all fairness to my peeps, a lot of people told me he was not a good person and didn’t care about anyone but himself. Note to self: LISTEN TO YOUR FRIENDS AND THOSE YOU TRUST. So, this guy and I spent the past few weeks texting back and forth, and we used to see each other more frequently. He is a fellow entrepreneur, so it was inspiring to not only dish, but truly connect about work and all of the accompanying issues. But now? Now, he’s become a lost soul to me and likely many others. I am unsure what has happened to him, and he will not share information. And here's the worst part: It just keeps hurting, more and more. However, I know I must let t his go, right here, right now, for good. And just like that, I have (see my other SJP/Carrie reference below). I know that you so many of you have felt this way about a girl or guy friend. BUT there is no reason to have this person continue to repeat hurting your feelings repeatedly which is psychological abuse. Yes, abuse. So, here's my final message to this man: Goodbye. You know who you are, what you've done to me, and you sure AF you donot deserve my friendship. Especially when you need all the friends you can after a divorce, if not only to reminisce. Am I bitter? You're damn right I am. You've proven to be exactly what everyone told me you were on your own time, especially when it comes to hurting people along the way. But here's the real thing: Shame on me for believing in you and extending my loyal friendship. As Carrie on "S&TC" once said so truthfully, "You and I are so over, there should be a new word for over." Now DD friends, before you find yourself going down this road - and believe me, it's a long one - please ask yourself these three key questions: How have you dealt with the selfishness of others? Why would someone you have a strong friendship with let you down over and over? Is this his/hers/your narcissist behavior? Peace, love, and Happy Thanksgiving, Erin

C is for Closure. The closure is something that anyone in a separation, divorce, or any break-up; closure is important for moving on. Many ask how I will ever feel closure. Can there be closure if there are children involved? Does it re-open wounds when still talking to your ex? Those are just a few questions you may be pondering when it comes to closure. The answer is that it just depends on your situation. (A sucky solution, but it is so proper) Our advice is to start with the little things that can begin to bring you closure. Start disposing of items that bring up the past, whether it's dishes, a journal, jewelry, clothing, or photos that, if you look at them, do not bring you a happy memoir – LET IT GO! Reminiscing about the good times is fantastic, and you will get there, but when you seek closure, sometimes you need to move through the memories to recover. As you have seen, we love lists – here’s one that can guide you: Be honest with yourself and let yourself feel the transition to closure. Work up to being able to have a normal conversation with your ex. Take care of yourself – seek out therapy if you have not already. Journal your feelings; once you have closure, shred the journal and do not look back. Detach yourself from the feelings if you can; think of looking at yourself from the outside and assessing your path to closure. Live in the moment and not in the past. This can be therapeutic; think of what you are doing now. An example I have given is simple things like, right now, I am brushing my teeth and being in that moment. MEDITATE: I can not express this enough. Meditation can help you move to the closure you want. Here are some other helpful articles on the closure: Six Powerful Ways to Create Closure After Your Divorce How to Get Closure after a Split by the Huffington Post How to get closure after a break up by Marriage.com

Recovering from a breakup, separation, and divorce takes time. However, please know that you will recover and become a better version of yourself. You may not have found you haven’t felt like yourself over the past few years as your relationship with your partner slowly deteriorated. That is hard on your mind and body. Defined Recovery means returning to a regular health, mind, or strength state. Let’s identify the how by spelling out RECOVER: R: est. Take time to rest your body; some say I want to keep moving to not think about my current situation. However, sleep is OK, and your mind and body need it. E: effort. Please try to reconnect with old friends and family and tell them you do not want to talk about the situation. Try to go for a walk and clear your mind; you must do this to survive. C:alm. Download the Daily Calm. It has transitioned how I feel about my body and mindset. I’ve recommended this before; if not this app, there are others. DOWNLOAD a meditation map. O: outlook. Your outlook on life may be full of mixed feelings. Remember, slowly, your view will go from despair to grief to hope. It will come, maybe at a pace that is hard to understand. Your perspective is bright – believe it. V: ision. It may seem like the same as outlook, but with a vision, you can manifest the parts of your life you want to transition. Manifest a new relationship, manifest money, manifest that house you want. That vision is key to manifesting. E: exercise. Make sure you keep up an exercise routine or start a new one. I have mentioned before that group classes can reconnect you to a community or join a bike, run, or tennis club. Anything that you may have wanted to try -now is the time. R: refreshing. You will feel refreshed once you go through the stages of divorce, and then you take on the world. I also recommend that if you need a full-on refresher, take a trip by yourself and discover yourself. Keep up the work, and the reward of peace will arrive. Share your story: divorceedish@gmail.com.