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After a divorce, be open-minded because this is a new chapter in your life. Being open-minded and not stuck in the old rut can be refreshing. There are so many benefits to seeing the world from a new view. You have new opportunities you never knew because unwinding yourself from a challenging or toxic relationship – can be tricky. Though now is yo ur time to work towards what you want. Reasons why you should keep your mind open: 1. You can explore new activities: let’s say you have always wanted to try kayaking – do it! 2. Lowering your stress level and opening your mind to a world of fun possibilities – is exciting. 3. You may meet new people you never thought you would mesh with and try new things. 4. Travel places you never thought you’d go and explore. 5. Learn something new, take a class on art or cooking. 6. Find new friends that are divorced and probably feeling the same way you are and want to do something new and exciting. 7. Mentally it can be refreshing to be open to new ideas. 8. Let your guard down. You may have been stuck in your ways; however, now is the time to open your mind. We know you can do this, and we have your back. Share ways you have opened your mind and tell your story by contacting us at divorceedish@gmail.com.

Stepping up and voicing your wants and needs through a divorce period can be the best thing you ever do for yourself. How do YOU want this divorce to go? Amicably or not? What do you want from this experience, and what do you NOT want to happen? What do you want for your family? You have a voice now: use it. Some people are subdued by the devastation of divorce and lose their vote for the interim. However, whether you or your partner wanted this divorce, voice your needs to your lawyer or therapist; now is not the time to use your voice to spread insights into your situation. Again, your voice needs to go through to the right person; this is key. It’s not advised to use your voice during a divorce to gossip with friends or trash talk your soon-to-be-ex (even though your friends and family may already know the situation); be careful whom you talk to so the process is smoother. Also, do not use your voice pre-divorce on social media channels, especially when you have a toxic situation. DO NOT use social media to take down your ex. Here is an excellent article by Modern Family Law on five things not to post post-divorce. Whom you talk to is up to you; we recommend a tight-knit group because you never know what the outcome of a conversation can have on your divorce. If you have children, their voice needs to be heard as well. Children are trying to process what is going on, and it's so important to take that time to sit them down and listen. Children do NOT need to hear the details of why mommy or daddy are splitting up, but they need to understand their voice is being heard. Check out this blog post: Giving Children a Voice during a Divorce by Seattle Divorce Services. All and all, use your voice to lay out a smooth plan for your divorce. After your divorce, you will have more freedom to share information; believe me, you will have so many people to support you, and you can fill in the details then.

Intimacy after a divorce can be intimidating. It is almost as if it is your first time (again), even though you and your partner may have had an active sex life before, during, and even post-marriage. Sex after divorce can contain a mixture of feelings. We are here to talk about moving forward and being confident sexual beings. I always asked my divorced friends, “What was it like having sex for the first time after your divorce?” some answered ‘Oh, I entered a “d” parade and went crazy, and it was fun,” or others stated, “It was so awkward like I was in high school or college all over again.” Either way, it's all right to experience new ways and people to figure out what works best for you; many of us are not looking for the “next one” right away. We want to explore and see what’s out there and do not want to settle for the first one. How do you get out there? Dating sites, friends, and just getting out to a new scene will help you meet people that may want some action and nothing else. You must decide your ground rules before going out there or make them up as you go along. YOU ARE AN ADULT; act like one. You are allowed to have some crazy fun sometimes and not think anything of it. The time you wait between finalizing the divorce and getting intimate with someone else - is up to you. Research states more on the side of when should I enter a new relationship after a divorce. Most say to wait one year before dating after your divorce, though for some, that can seem like an eternity. Casual sex is a much easier transition post-divorce and can enlighten your world. Making you realize there is lots of life to live after divorce, and you can do that on your terms. A few things to consider still: · Practice safe sex – yes, you can still contract an STD in your older age. · Have a safer sex conversation. Have you been tested for STDs? · Get used to good old condoms again. · Trust your feelings when “hooking up.” · Rediscover your wants and needs. Here are some great articles on sex after divorce: Reader’s Digest: https://www.readersdigest.co.uk/lifestyle/dating-relationships/sex-after-divorce-its-not-as-scary-as-you-might-think Huffington Post: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/sex-after-divorce-the-dos_n_2577415 Oprah Daily: https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a31956827/sex-after-divorce/ Prevention: https://www.prevention.com/health/a27484181/sex-after-divorce-tips

During a Divorce, you divide many aspects of your entire world into pieces. You start with financials, most of the time, and begin to figure out how best to deal with money. Money is the second leading cause of divorce, behind cheating. It could be how money has been handled throughout the marriage, a partner hiding money, partner spending habits, or debt. Anyway, divvying this up causes much stress in the divorce process. However, money is not the only subject that you must divide. Many people may not know there are other items you need to consider before going down the path of divorce. Here are a few that are the greatest traditional assets - to name: Bank accounts Real estate properties Retirement accounts Automobiles Recreational vehicles - i.e., boats, etc. Vacation properties Life insurance policies Annuities Stocks and bonds Intellectual property Personal property Time Debts Though this is a typical list, what I found I thought about immediately was the division of time. Note: that this relates more to children and could apply to pets. Time schedules for children. Depending on your children, this can be a massive challenge due to school schedules, sports, and extracurricular activities. Holidays are another item that becomes top of mind. How will we split it? How do we trade it off? Let me give you some advice; make this very clear in your divorcee decree because this may get more complicated than it's worth. Due to family traditions – and family in general not wanting to change it up but are not in the divorce. Be clear and firm. Vacation schedules: Divorcing and managing vacation time could also be complex. Aligned vacation schedules and pop-up vacation opportunities will happen; however, define the number of days and times with your ex. Always ask in advance – you would be so surprised how many people do not make this a priority. Several more items will come up that you need to divide and define. Regarding dividing time, I recommend using the Cozi Family Organizer.

You may have been divorced for a long time or a short, concise time; either way, Depression can set on at any moment (and don’t be afraid to let it out). We’ve heard from many of you that you have these days when something hits you, and you cannot pinpoint what it may be, but it just hits you, and you burst into tears. Is it divorce depression, or is it situational? It doesn’t matter; you need to feel the feelings that you are having at certain moments. You cannot always be expected to be there for everyone in your immediate family 24/7 (even though you try). When you feel like this, let someone know and talk it out, you will feel so much better if you do. I find myself in these moments every once in a while and sobbing for being overwhelmed by life. Sometimes I sit back and think about all I have been through and where I am or am not, and it just hits me. It’s life, and sometimes you need to take care of yourself. We talked in the last blog about adulting and the difficult task of keeping it together all the time and then taking time for yourself. This time we are identifying some resources that can help you navigate these depressive moments when you feel nothing is on track in this world for you. Here are some signs you may have Depression after Divorce: Symptoms of depression Sometimes it may be hard to tell if sadness has progressed to depression. However, signs to look out for include the following: Sadness or hopelessness that won’t go away Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed feeling overwhelmed and unable to focus Crying more often than you used to difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much changes in appetite like eating more often or not wanting to eat at all thoughts of suicide A few divorce support groups to consider include: Divorce support online and in-person: Divorce Care Divorce support for women: Woman’s Divorce Divorce support for men: MensGroup LGBTQ+ community divorce support: Rainbow Families *Source Psych Central Please let yourself go through the motions but seek support daily to ensure you end up in a happier place.

Here is an older article about the art of dating two people at once. Dating more than one guy at a time is definitely a confidence booster, but it's also hard work (oh, life is so tough, right?). Don't struggle with the juggle—we've rounded up a few ladies who have been there and done that to tell you exactly how to handle the tricky situations that come with playing the field. DO keep the benefits in mind. "I was previously married for about six years and didn't really take the time to consider what I wanted out of a relationship or marriage," says Megan, 27. "Now with dating more than one guy, I have been able to look at what each of them would add to my life and not feel pressured about one person. I can stay more objective until I make a decision about which situation and person better suits me, and vice versa." DON'T date just for an ego boost. Admit it: You know in your gut when you're stringing a guy along. "It's nice to feel wanted by more than one person, but you can't let it continue if you're not interested," says Tova, 22. DO be honest—but not too honest. Learn from 24-year-old Dani's dating mistake: "In my most recent relationship with a guy, we were very up front and honest about dating others, so much so that we talked with each other about our other dates," she says. "That's where things started to get messy. I realized that although I was OK with the thought of him dating other women, I wasn't actually OK with hearing about it. That brought on unwanted jealousy." DON'T make it a game. The risk of getting caught, however, can be part of the excitement of dating more than one guy. "I think I was so caught up in the game' of it all that being with just one guy almost seemed too monotonous for me," says Becky. "Whenever I really liked a guy and would date just him, it wouldn't seem like enough. It's now created a fantasy land that probably doesn't exist, but I hold on to the hope that somebody out there has it all." Find the rest of this great article here on Glamour. Happy Dating! Erin

Taking a vacation, whether by yourself - trust me, it's all good - or with family and friends can cheer you up like no other activity. Case in point, I just returned home from a quick but excellent, action-packed getaway to California wine country with my siblings from NYC & Chicago - we committed & made it happen - & it was the BEST. After my divorce, the one thing I wanted to do for myself was travel more...much more. Of course, I love traveling with my kids; however, I knew I needed a reset and finally did it. First, I went to the Dominican Republic all by myself. I booked an all-inclusive stay at a fabulous resort and set out on a mission to reconnect with myself. It was magical. I encourage you to do the same - heck, it can be a road trip to your favorite amusement park or local B&B if that's your jam - and I am listing why YOU, too, should take time to regroup and relax. Here we go: V: action – book the trip, set a budget with some leeway, and commit; A: appreciate your alone time and take advantage of whatever it is you want to do...nap, beach, hike; you'll have no one but yourself to look after; C: change and embody what is changing in your world. You have a clean slate. Take time to embrace how your world has changed environmentally, physically, and emotionally; A: mazement - you will be amazed at how you feel when your feet hit the ground once you land at your getaway destination. I always feel a calmness come over my body, and sometimes it takes me about two weeks to return to reality after I return home - ha! - that’s how relaxed you will be; T: time - I recommend 7-10 days, depending on how much time you can take off. It takes a couple of days to unwind from your real life; I: Inspire - It’s funny how I inspired others who were not alone and said you are brave. Yet, I was inspired by myself that I was actually at a place where I wanted to be; O:ff – During this time, you are OFF. I touched base with my kids but had coverage for work and never looked back. N-o one but you can do this for yourself except YOU. Your body and mind have been through a challenging time. Take it from me; it's SO worth it. Book it NOW; And after all the years, I've learned that I enjoy being by myself and don't worry about anything except taking care of myself when I'm in my zone. I've met some fabulous people during my trips worldwide over the years but my most revolutionary, a-ha-moment journey? My first-ever solo trip. DO IT! Happy travels, Erin

Well, you finally made it to the online dating world, and you head in innocently, hopeful, and looking for honesty. Let me stop you right there. Daters, be warned: If the best profiles can mislead you, they ask for your number on the first day you connect. Advice: Do not give your number out right away. The reason is that you barely know this person, and now you have given out one of your most precious possessions ---- your phone number. I had this happen a few times when I thought, oh, this is innocent, and maybe it will lead to an in-person date faster – ha, was I a fool or what? We are going to list some warning signs and tips for making sure the person on the other end is human, not a scamming human, and not a robot: 1) There is a verification process on Bumble, and you can look at verified-only profiles; however, scammers still slip in and ask for your number immediately. Please hold out until you have spoken for a few days or even a week. 2) Another thing to look out for on Bumble is – let’s say you give your phone number out, check back 2 hours later to see if that person has deleted your profile, and take a screenshot of this person to report later. 3) Hinge is a bit tricky. There is no feature to prevent massive fake profiles into the system, even when you pay for the upgrade. We just had someone tell us that they gave their number; the person called them within the hour and talked about “God and their lack of money and relationships” again, watch out. 4) Match: Buyer beware; while Match claims to be one of the best, our experiences differ; again, scammers are all over. 5) Research all the dating applications to see which one may work best for you: More to the point, do not do the following: Do not give out your phone number too soon in the game. · Pay for upgrades if you can afford them to help weed out some of the potential scammers. · Don did not change over to What’s App –a TRAP for people wanting money, and encrypted messages may be hard to track. · Do not post your children with you in your profile – you do not want strangers to see the most important people in your world. · Utilize the tools built out on the dating apps and report any suspicious activities. · Don’t be afraid to block people on dating apps (they will never find out); if you do not want them constantly to show up in your feed, you must do this. · Do a background check on every person you may go out on a date with, get their last name, and look them up: o Whitepages.com o Instant Checkmate o Truthfinder o All social media channels – they may not use social but check just in case; you may be surprised by what you find out. There are many more, but check and ensure their name matches what they told you. We want everyone safely date and find happiness, do not trip into these easy pitfalls. You will regret it. You can find a list of all the dating sites here: The Ultimate List of Every Dating App. Happy searching and safe dating.

There are a lot of talks that the COVID quarantine period caused extra strain on marriages. These marriages may have been acceptable or on edge before, but they crumbled as life has come back to some sense of normalcy. Adding the stress of parents acting as teachers, working from home, not being able to do routine workouts, or meeting up with friends to get a break, it was an unprecedented time in our lives. According to a survey conducted by the Institute of Family Studies, 34 percent of married people reported the pandemic had stressed their relationships. Divorce law firms have stated that divorce rates have increased from 40-to 122%, which seems extreme, but the studies and stats are all over. There is an excellent article in The Atlantic by Matthew Fray, author of This is How Your Marriage Ends. He talks about the little things that drive spouses crazy, i.e., a dirty glass by the sink - so little, but it becomes a massive issue with a couple. I've heard people saying I believe the way the toilet paper roll should face, or the toilet seat was always up or down or not flushed, caused my marriage to end. It sounds ridiculous. Those who are divorced and in a marriage where this is happening find it factual. The point is if these little things were bothering you over pre-COVID, they most likely skyrocketed as contention for your marriage falling apart. I would love to read some journals out there about COVID and your mentality during this time. The couples that made it through COVID without much hardship, we applaud you and the pairs that did not - You are not alone. If COVID was not your reason - here are the top 10 reasons per Gender, of why - look familiar?

Do you have mixed feelings about your divorce? Like you know it’s the right thing, but the emotions are too hard even to start the process? You are not alone. It’s a very emotional process that can be broken down into five stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. D-A-B-D-A. Those five stages represent grief over the loss of a relationship and marriage. Even though you think your partner knows its best, it doesn’t mean it is easy on one. If you have had fighting or tension in the house for a long while, you will immediately feel relief. Though the comfort then turns into disbelief and follows the five stages. There are days, upon days, you may find yourself trying to cope and not cry because a relationship you had hoped would last is now over. You are often elated only to discover that it's followed by days of depression. THAT IS OK! Our advice: give yourself time to grieve, do not just jump into your next relationship, but you can get out there when you are ready. Here are seven things you can do to take care of yourself during this process: 1) Reconnect with friends. There may be married or single friends you haven’t seen in years. Call them up and go out for dinner, a walk, or a glass of wine. 2) Clear your headspace. Working out can fight off depression, and if you join a group workout, you can make new friends and see that other people are in similar situations. 3) Organize your life. Your life may have felt messy before and through divorce but now, take a couple of hours a week to get organized with your new way of life. 4) Ask for help. Asking for support and a hug can be one of the best things you do, and we have found that friends are happy to do it. 5) Share your story. Sharing your story can have remarkable effects on your mental health. Talking with other divorcees at any stage can make you realize again that you are not alone. 6) Take a trip by yourself. It’s liberating to take a trip by yourself and just be you or find you again. 7) Spend time, and quality time with your kids (if applicable). You will feed off their energy, and they are sure to bring a smile even during your most challenging times. Don’t forget it is also OK to cry in front of them, and you are HUMAN. Divorce is complicated, anyway, you put it, so take your time. Xoxo Divorcee Dish Team

As a single parent with three amazing kids, there are times when I think about how much I miss them when they are at their dad’s house. We just got back from a beautiful trip to the beach and spending eight full days with them was terrific; we ate together, walked together, and just had fun. I suppose I just let myself take advantage of the time. When I dropped them off yesterday, I knew I was headed to the home I love to get my life back in order. I must have fallen asleep around 8 p.m. and woke up at 6 a.m. the following day, yet still felt tired. Then the silence hit me. I am home, alone, and my kids will not be here for a couple of days. Once I realized this, I only broke down thinking how hard divorce can sometimes be and when you have wonderful supporters in your life (friends, family, and others), it's never the same when you are away from kids you adore. When you realize all of this is for a reason, you stop and reflect on how you got here, and sometimes you do not know. I advise you to take time for yourself, rest, do a favorite activity, and remember your kids love you and most likely want to be with you as much as you. It’s difficult at times. However, you are stronger than you ever know. Much love to all, Erin

It's Not Your Fault KoKo Bear This week we are kicking off with a week full of resources. Starting with the Top 10 books for kiddos to talk about divorce: 10 Children's Books That Help Explain Divorce by Parenting.com A great story can help your kids make sense of what's happening when parents split up — and the complex emotions they're feeling. Consider reading one of these books about divorce with your kiddos. By Belle University Chancellor Published on October 29, 2013 Reading books about divorce with your child can help her to open up and talk about her feelings and concerns, as well as reassure her that what she's experiencing is normal. It also opens the door for questions that your child might not otherwise be comfortable bringing up. Here are some excellent children's books about divorce for your family to read together. Dinosaurs Divorce By Laurene Krasny Brown and Marc Brown In this picture book, the dinosaur family explores why parents get divorced and what happens after a divorce. It answers common questions that children might have, such as what's going to happen to me, where will holidays be celebrated, and what is it like to live in two homes. Ages 3 to 7. Buy Dinosaurs Divorce It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear By Vicki Lansky When Koko Bear's parents get divorced, the cub experiences a range of emotions, including anger, guilt, confusion, and sadness. Each page features advice for parents on how to help children identify and express feelings. Ages 3 to 7. Buy It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear Two Homes By Claire Masurel Sometimes Alex lives with his daddy in a suburban home and sometimes with his mommy in a city home. He has two bedrooms, two favorite chairs, two sets of friends -- two of everything! This book helps kids to understand that they are loved by both parents, regardless of where they are living.Ages 3 to 7 Buy Two Homes The Invisible String By Patrice Karst This book doesn't specifically address divorce, but it's a heartwarming story that reassures children that even though they can't always be with a loved one, they're always in each other's hearts. Whenever a child thinks about a family member, the invisible string gives a tug. Ages 3 and up Buy The Invisible String My Family's Changing By Pat Thomas This picture book introduces the concept of divorce and how it affects family members. A "What about you" section features questions that parents can ask young children to help them explore their feelings. Ages 4 and up Buy My Family's Changing I Don't Want to Talk About It By Jeanie Franz Ransom A young girl imagines herself as animal to deal with her feelings about her parent's divorce. When her father tells her that it's okay to be scared, she says: "I wanted to be a lion with a roar so loud that everyone would think I was very brave." Throughout the book, both parents offer assurances that their love for her will never change and that certain family rituals will remain the same. Ages 5 and up What Can I Do? A Book for Children of Divorce By Danielle Lowry Rosie tries everything to keep her parents together: She cleans the house, gets good grades, and offers her piggy bank money. When her parents split anyway, a confused and sad Rosie joins a support group for kids from divorced families who show her that life can be happy. Ages 8 and up Buy What Can I Do? A Book for Children of Divorce A Smart Girl's Guide to Her Parent's Divorce By Nancy Holyoke This book, published by American Girl, covers various aspects of divorce, from the initial split-up to a parent's remarriage. It includes quizzes, tips, and advice from children of divorce. Ages 8 and up. Buy A Smart Girl's Guide to Her Parent's Divorce Divorce Is Not the End of the World By Zoe and Evan Stern After their parents divorced, siblings Zoe and Evan Stern, then ages 15 and 13, wrote this positive and practical guide for kids (their writer mom helped). The book tackles topics such as managing emotions like guilt, anger, and fear; adjusting to different rules in different houses; dealing with special occasions like birthdays; and adapting to stepparents and blended families. Ages 8 and up. Buy Divorce Is Not the End of the World Mom's House, Dad's House for Kids By Isolina Ricci A family therapist wrote this guidebook to help tweens and teens deal with dueling house rules and schedules, stay neutral when parents disagree, and manage stress, guilt, and other emotions. The book includes handy, easy-to-use lists and worksheets. Ages 10 and up Buy Mom's House, Dad's House for Kids