Search Results

You've seen "Funny Girl" with the one and only BARBRA, right?? Parades. When I first got divorced, I didn't know there was an unknown type of parade for men and women to regain their sexual appetite. Who knew? A very in-tune friend of mine said to me, “Have you been on your “d**k” parade or to guys "can I see if you are on your “p**y” parade"? WOW! Although it began to make sense. Your body craves a human touch. That's who we are. But as I thought more about it, the human touch in a loving relationship differs from what she was talking about. Then it hit me immediately, along with other friends, newly single, divorced, whatever. Men and women suddenly come out of the woodwork to have fun – with absolutely no commitment. When you're coming out of an emotional divorce, it's so hard to see the light in the tunnel. You feel lost; you do not want to jump into a new relationship too fast and you have to work through your emotions, whether you have a love/hate with your ex or a newfound friendship. And sometimes - more often than not - those parades are not disrespectful. Down the road, they may get you out of a rut. I mean, you do you and always practice safe sex...yes?...YES?? Years later, I look back and chuckle with other divorcee friends, hearing about their adventures. And here's the deal we've all concluded: There is ZERO shame in a parade that you want to march your ass to, to feel alive again after a long time of hurt. Get out there, be safe and have some adventures. Then you'll figure out when to seek out your longer-term relationship - maybe it's with your new drum major! - and never settle. Love you! Erin

Yes, they can happen to you, and after talking to some close friends and colleagues about the topic, I admit I was a bit taken aback - no judgments, though - about how uninformed many post-divorce adults know about sexually transmitted diseases. And just because you may be 30+ doesn’t mean they can't happen to you. After talking to one friend about her experience with herpes, she felt her insides had blown up, and she didn’t know if it was dormant or if she had just contracted it. Yep, that can happen. She shared how miserable the feeling was and that it sometimes does not go away until 2-4 weeks of treatment. It can begin with something as simple as a cold sore or something seemingly common. At any rate, it's important that we all be careful out there. After speaking to her, I started thinking, and my reaction was "wow". How much do we as a sexually active community of adults know about STDs? Here are the top 8 STDs most often contracted by 30+ men and women: Herpes Syphilis Hepatitis Trichomoniasis Gonorrhea Chlamydia HIV – Human Immunodeficiency Virus HPV - Human Papillomavirus There is an excellent article on the Pfizer (link) website about these diseases symptoms and a general overview, and I urge you to read it. One fact I found mind blowing is that half of the 26 million new cases annually occur in young people according to the the CDC. Shouldn't they be some of the first to learn and be most aware? The moral of this blog is to first and foremost be careful out there, and equally importantly, DO NOT be afraid to ask a new partner about his/her past or testing. I even have friends who invite their new boy or girl friends to have a test before engaging in any sexual activity. Think about it. Stay healthy & safe, Erin

OK, boys and girls, here we are. A new year and newly – or not the so-newly – single life. What to do? Start drinking mimosas when you wake up on New Year’s Eve and don’t stop until January 2, or pull yourself together and make some real strides on how you want 2023 to play out for you. I choose the latter, and the below sources from the Huffington Post (a favorite go-to of mine) outline some remarkable things to practice and put perspective around. Sure, I could joke about bad hook-ups, awkward encounters with former exes, walks of shame, etc., but here’s some REAL stuff you need to consider and practice in ’23. I promise you’ll feel like a new person by this time next year. Respect Your Ex It may sound not easy, but it's a necessity. Treating your ex with kindness and respect will be better for you and your kids. This includes not speaking negatively of your ex in front of the kids. Could you call a friend if you need to vent? Take the High Road If you feel dragged into another argument, take a step back and be the bigger person. Realize that falling into this negativity is toxic and benefits no one. Stop Over-Thinking It's easy to obsess over what went wrong and why, but you know why. Leave it behind you and take the lessons learned forward. Be Present Living in the moment allows you to appreciate those around you genuinely. Focusing on the past can be depressing, and concentrating on the future can cause fear and anxiety. All that matters is how you spend your time with those you love. Focus on You: The new year is an ideal time to focus on your needs and take time for yourself. Set some time aside to pursue a hobby or interest. Take a class that interests you. Focus on what makes you the happiest, and do that! Consider Dating Letting emotions get the best of you and hibernating would be easy. However, you must take stock of your self-esteem and ensure you are in a good place before leaping back into the dating pool. Be Patient Don't be too hard on yourself. If you need to cry, let yourself cry. Remember that this is a difficult transition and to be kind to yourself. But be sure not to wallow. It's a hard line to draw but an important one not to cross. Ask for Help Utilize your support system: they want to help you! If you feel isolated or depressed, let your friends and family know. Tell them what you need from them, whether simply listening or being a companion. · Take Control Of your finances, that is. Create a budget, analyze your retirement accounts, create an emergency fund, and take a look at your investments. Knowing what you have will help you make informed decisions throughout the new year. In closing, I want to thank you ALL for joining me on this new journey of my life. Divorcee Dish is for women, men, gay, straight, gender-fluid, whoever, whenever they wish to read, vent, scream, whatever. It has been one of my greatest joys of 2022 to create and share this with you, and I hope you feel the love I’m sending back with each and every blog post and social media comment, you name it! I wish you all a wonder-filled, adventurous self-discovery 2023 - whatever it’s going to be -and it brings you even more knowledge, self-assurance, peace, and joy! Xo, Erin Original HuffPo source: Nicole Gussick for Divorce Magazine.

Do you want a divorce? Or do you just need a break? Marriage does not differentiate for brides or grooms; it can be blissful whether you're a traditional duo or in a same-sex commitment, but no matter, it's a heckuva lot of work. And I promise you, marriage will test every bone in your body, making you wonder if you'll break or make it to the light at the end of the tunnel. And those vows? Through good times and bad, sickness and health, but come on, how much can you really take when you begin the thought of your partner can simultaneously make you want to puke or float around on cloud nine? On top of that, this is the time of year when people love to talk smack and at the same time hear dirt about everyone else (EVERYONE, and that includes you, sweetie), whether your relationship is smooth sailing or in choppy waters. Christmas parties are ground zero for rumors, true or false, and family functions can be overwhelming, to say the least (Aunt Martha never knows when to keep her big mouth shut, does she?), creating extra stress on you and your partner. It's even more horrible when there are kids involved. All children - whether young or old - have high expectations at holiday time and excellent (for them anyway) memories of years of tradition. That's a lot of pressure, huh? Keeping your head on straight when there is tension in the home can lead to a blow-up. And does that blow-up mean you really want a divorce? Let’s look at the top reasons and seasons when women and men divorce. Reasons: You were married before your 22 birthday and have since become different people. Some affairs of the heart, whether physical or emotional, matter. You have naturally grown in the opposite direction; one of you is stagnant, and the other is always creating a new positive path. There has been physical or mental abuse. You sleep in separate bedrooms, and the intimacy is just gone. Seasons (yes, there really are seasons when divorce rates climb): According to a divorce lawyer friend, March, August and January are the top months when couples split. “Divorce is seasonal,” Vicky Townsend, co-founder, and chief executive of the National Association of Divorce Professionals, was quoted as saying last month in The New York Times states. Her network comprises specialists like lawyers, therapists, and tax advisers who may be used in divorce proceedings. From Thanksgiving until New Year’s, lawyers’ offices are slow because people have put off divorce until after the holidays, Ms. Townsend said. And she noted that people who may have been considering a divorce in the year's final months often put off the decision until the holidays have finished. The idea may be, “New Year’s resolutions — it’s a new year, new you, new start,” she said. “The holidays are over, and I’m not going into this year as miserable as last year.” – thus putting it off until the holidays are over. So, there you have it: Lots of food for thought in this DD blog edition, and absolutely none of this information should be taken lightly, decisions made harshly or in the heat of the moment. However, in closing, we have 4 days until the new year. Do you genuinely want to go it alone or stand by your 'soulmate'? It's a HUGE decision. Take care of yourselves, Erin

Happy 2023 Dishers, raise your hand if you'd like to go back to elementary school (I didn’t think so). I hope your first few days of the New Year have been good ones! Mine have been great, and I'm already feeling empowered working through the many topics we'll be tackling this year. As I explored various dating apps throughout the holidays, I noticed many things, some OK, others just plain bizarre. Then, it came to me: This is just like elementary school. Swipe left for no and right for yes. Gawd! It's like the notes we used to pass in class in elementary, middle, and high school. You know the drill. Check the box if you like so and so: Along with an array of other ridiculous questions, comments, and more that only a pre-pubescent or teenager would answer. However, with dating apps circa 2023, the pressure seems to be all on us ladies and gentlemen for almost every app. These apps are also filled with a flurry of fake profiles I've caught, which include the following faux pas that are dead giveaways of certifiable creeps (MEN/WOMAN ALIKE): 1) They are not verified 2) They do not use proper grammar 3) They do not know where they live (i.e., always traveling) 4) When asked for a last name or link to a profile outside the dating site, they send you something bogus. 5) They ask you for money to get “home" if you do agree to a date that leads to something more. App daters, please be aware. Sadly, we live in a society where virtualization begins or ends a relationship. The messaging systems and the texting….that’s about it. It was so much better when men would call women - or women called men, women called other women - and on and on and on - if you really wanted to get to know them or vice versa. The recordings on dating sites attempt this; however, it's not enough, far from it. Real dating needs a big dose of the human element, my friends because this virtual world is a hot mess. True love, even true like (nothing wrong with that), is out there for everyone, but it ain't simple these days. Although it could be very elementary - in the best sense of the word - if we simply give it a try. HNY, Erin

When you're divorced, you're gonna make mistakes. No doubt about it, period; that's the way it is. You're going to say the wrong things, act on questionable urges, and be confused and utterly unsure about appropriate actions on certain days, nights, and weeks. But it'll be alright, I promise. How? These are all learning experiences in your new world of single-dom. Lord knows, I've said, texted, or emailed so many things I shouldn’t have to my ex, my kids, my friends, my family, and the list goes on and on and on and on. And not for nothing; this could be when the famous saying, “I put my foot in the mouth,” originated! But it's not just me; this applies to everyone going through what we're all going through now. People in the big imperfect world say things they don't always mean and/or are unsure how to communicate. And not for nothing, communication is in slang or acronyms with mobile devices. And more often than not, it comes across in a way - particularly in an email or text - that can sting. But here's the thing... I have realized that when mistakes happen, and I start to get sensitive, I choose to voice my opinion. MY OPINION. For example, the other day, I accomplished a lifelong dream of publishing two books, a lifelong dream for me (one is for children, and the other is all about divorce). This experience has been such an empowering learning experience for me. I self-published them both and figured out how to navigate getting both on Amazon, and into the hands of prominent box vendors. Not easy at all, it was super stressful making final edits and getting the books in distribution, but I DID IT. Then came some unkind critiques. I’m open to them; however, the way they were said made me feel less than a newly published author, and I reacted in, well, not the best way. But I kept my cool and kept everything in line...with my voice. Voicing how you feel is fantastic in your growth journey and taking a stand for yourself is beyond liberating. Did I make some mistakes? Absolutely. But so many times mistakes happen and when from the mouth, your fingers (emailing, texting), and then that's when the actions really begin! However, I always try to learn from any errors and keep moving on a positive path. Also, forgive yourself – you are the only person who can deal with all the crazy emotions and stress...not everyone, not just a friend or two, YOU. Peace & love, Erin

As we head out of 2022, let's do a journaling activity. Could you take time to answer the questions below in your journal? All you need: · A notebook · Pen · Your thoughts Ask yourself these 5 questions: 1) What are three things you accomplished this year? 2) What have you learned about yourself? 3) What have you learned about divorce, in general? 4) How would you treat yourself if you could take a day just for yourself? 5) What are you looking forward to doing in 2023? Please share your story and answers on our Facebook page or message us directly! Thanks much! Erin

So thrilled to announce that the Amazon.com and Amazon Kindle version of my new book Divorcee Dish is now available at amazon.com! Please check it out because there IS life after divorce. In fact, there is a big, beautiful life out there just waiting for you, I promise. This book will challenge you to find & create it. And push yourself to create a new routine for yourself that brings you joy because you certainly deserve it. Also, please follow us on Facebook and Instagram! Xo, Erin

We just wanted to wish you a very Happy Holiday Season from our DD family! We'll resume our normal blogging regimen starting tomorrow & P.S you can now download the Amazon Kindle Ebook for FREE!

The kids will soon be out of school during the holidays, and the New Year is approaching. It can all seem so overwhelming, but I'm here to tell you that now is the time to simplify your life. Let’s say you're past the two-year mark of your divorce and still feeling unsettled; that means it's time to make a change. You're on your own, maybe dating, maybe not, yet the world seems spinning, and you have questions about your heart, mind, and body. But it'll never happen if you sit and wait for things to settle down. The average person “puts off” 10-15 items on their to-do list yearly. That may not seem like a lot at first glance but believe me, it adds up quickly. Some of the top tasks that I continually put off are: Clearing out closets and storage clutter Reorganizing my son’s room so it's not toy overload. Budgeting: I feel like I move money around way too much Deep cleaning my house Spending time with friends Phone calls – I admit I will ignore calls if I don't want to talk right then and there Planning, whether it's vacation, money, or other activities, chores, commitments Talking and updating family Taking time outside the house for a massage or something I desperately need for physical/mental balance Going to the doctor Yard work General home projects, e.g., it took me six weeks to unbox and build a dresser 🙃 Those are just a few things I push away and say I will get to them, but how? How?? Do you think I can make things easier? The answer is YES. But the key is to commit to one thing at a time. Here are some suggestions to get something off your plate: Hand it over: Can you or would you hand over house cleaning? Bills? Cooking? Make time to spend time with friends for support and escape. Hire a landscape company or teen neighbor willing to do yard work Find a friend who likes to organize and see if they are free to help you. Do one thing at a time or work on one room at a time if it involves small projects; I find to get one task completed makes me feel great (even if it takes months) Schedule an annual checkup with your doctor, dentist, and eye doctor; please make sure to commit to it and make appointments that work with your schedule and won't overwhelm you. Work out or simply move for at least 30 minutes a day Eat well and follow a balanced diet. Start doing something for yourself, even if it's just 1x a month. Please be honest: When you don't feel like talking over and over about the same thing (i.e., your split), tell people who are asking. Get some fresh air, clear the mind, journal, and take 5-minute breaks every hour Make decisions and stick to them; do not overthink And last but not least, you do you and keep doing you, meaning no apologies for what you are feeling or how you're acting; you know what you need We all tend to try and fill our schedules to the brim so often; that's just human nature. But it’s not good or healthy in any way, shape, or form. Take some time, give yourself a break, and don’t burn the candle at both ends. Now, ask yourself these questions (we're almost done, I promise!): How can I treat myself better? Have I set boundaries for what I can and cannot control? Do I say yes too much? Can I learn to say no? Can I carve out some funding for support? I guarantee you that you can do it. It's actually so simple. Until next time, Erin

Hey Dishers, I'm back on a more regular blog schedule and am kicking it off with something that's been on my mind a lot lately: Do you often feel defeated? Your divorce is over, you've settled into your new lifestyle, have a great group of friends, then one day you have this overwhelming feeling of defeat. Well, I am currently there (one of the reasons I've taken a writing break) and it's not only related to my feelings about divorce. It's because your kids are hurting (unrelated to divorce), you feel pulled in a thousand different directions, and you must work with minimal play. Then after you complete your work, exercise or work out, feed yourself, and try and settle in for the evening, your body is like NOPE, you can't right now. You're gonna be restless (fan-f***ing-tastic), just what you don't need at the end of a long, busy day. The one thing you need right now is inner peace and contentment. Most days you probably feel like you had it, but then you lost it in the ins and outs of everyday life. Example: My kids are so busy that they say, “I’m so stressed,” which triggers me to feel/say how can I help you or carry your burden? With school, sports, homework, and extracurricular activities, it starts to spin, and now it and I are out of control. You grasp for the calm and pray your body listens; however, sometimes it doesn’t without help. Here's what I've been doing and it's important: I get up to meditate which can take on many forms, for example many, many days I take an hour to jam out, sing, and maybe cry to some of my favorite tunes. And it is SO empowering and soothing. Then I may journal or take my time getting the day started so I don't feel rushed by anyone or anything. Listening to music soothes my soul and helps me work through most crisis-feeling moments. I highly encourage this and as the saying goes, "dance like nobody is watching." In fact, I have a sign in my kitchen that states “this kitchen is for dancing,” and I don't give a damn if a neighbor or anyone else sees me, absolutely not. I have to do what I have to do, and right now, what I'm loving is doing my dance! So, wrap your heart and soul around something you love - music, exercise, meditation, whatever - and take that time just for you. Pinky swear I promise any feelings of defeat will disappear. Let's close with three simple questions and really think about these and how you work them out: How do I cope on down days? What ultimately will get me out of the rut I'm in? If defeatist feelings resurface for some reason, what is my go-to m.o.? Peace, Erin

Remember when you were in high school or college (or God forbid later in life) when it was such a kick to run out of the restaurant without paying the tab due to shitty service or being completely shit-faced. Or both? Yep, the ol' "dine and dash." A hoot and a rush at the time, but now there seems to be a new version we're calling "date and dash." This one's not so fun at all, and speaking of shit, that's how it can make you and the person on the other end feel because it's not always about him or her, sometimes it's you - yes you - with that 'get up and run as fast as I can' feeling. How many of you have thought you may have connected with someone, had a great conversation via a dating app, texting, or in person, then he or she takes off mentally (or worse, literally a la a trip to the bathroom that never ends) like it's the 50-yard dash? I don't know about you, but I'm semi amused sometimes by it but mostly appalled about how grown-ass adults can tuck their tails and run with zero notice. This is not ghosting, folks. It boils down to a vibe: they or you suddenly realize, "why am I even trying with this person?" and "we're on a path to nowhere." Ick. Why does this happen? Well, it depends on what you want and where you are in your 'singlehood'. Are you looking for just a friendship, a glass of wine with someone new, a hook-up (careful with that one), or do you want to explore even more? Before you jump, you need to know what you want and what is best for the two of you (mostly you, and that is not selfish at this stage). If it's going nowhere, cut your losses. And for Pete's sake, show some class and respect and tell them if you're the guilty party calling it a day. That stated, here are a few things to say instead of pulling a total disappearing act: 1) “I've really enjoyed our time together; however, I’m not looking for anything serious right now.” 2) “I'm currently separated and headed for divorce, so I’m only looking for something casual.” 3) “Thanks for reaching out, but I’m too busy with work and don't have the time right now.” 4) “My kids are my number one, and I feel this interferes with my time with them.” 5) “I'm not sure you hear me; I enjoy spending time when we can, but I'm just not ready to jump back into the relationship game.” 6) “Just not feeling this, and I’m so sorry. I know what I want, and I this just isn't it.” 7) “You deserve someone who can give you the love and attention you crave; I can't do that right now.” Those are just a few ways; some seem harsher than others but protecting others and your feelings with this kind of situation is of the utmost importance. You do not want to get “stuck” right after your divorce or separation and not give yourself proper time just to be you. Thus, I encourage each of you to take your time, and if you want to play for a while, at least be upfront about it. Other than anything light agreed upon by both parties can be great. However, there's no reason to simply settle for what you want from life, love, and relationships - you know, the big picture - because it's right in your face, right now, but with the wrong person. Remember, this is your life we're talking about, not a game of dine and dash. Xo, Erin Questions to ponder per the above: Are you in a situation that needs to end? Are you dragging someone around? What do you want out of life? When love enters, will I know?