Search Results

C is for Closure. The closure is something that anyone in a separation, divorce, or any break-up; closure is important for moving on. Many ask how I will ever feel closure. Can there be closure if there are children involved? Does it re-open wounds when still talking to your ex? Those are just a few questions you may be pondering when it comes to closure. The answer is that it just depends on your situation. (A sucky solution, but it is so proper) Our advice is to start with the little things that can begin to bring you closure. Start disposing of items that bring up the past, whether it's dishes, a journal, jewelry, clothing, or photos that, if you look at them, do not bring you a happy memoir – LET IT GO! Reminiscing about the good times is fantastic, and you will get there, but when you seek closure, sometimes you need to move through the memories to recover. As you have seen, we love lists – here’s one that can guide you: Be honest with yourself and let yourself feel the transition to closure. Work up to being able to have a normal conversation with your ex. Take care of yourself – seek out therapy if you have not already. Journal your feelings; once you have closure, shred the journal and do not look back. Detach yourself from the feelings if you can; think of looking at yourself from the outside and assessing your path to closure. Live in the moment and not in the past. This can be therapeutic; think of what you are doing now. An example I have given is simple things like, right now, I am brushing my teeth and being in that moment. MEDITATE: I can not express this enough. Meditation can help you move to the closure you want. Here are some other helpful articles on the closure: Six Powerful Ways to Create Closure After Your Divorce How to Get Closure after a Split by the Huffington Post How to get closure after a break up by Marriage.com

Recovering from a breakup, separation, and divorce takes time. However, please know that you will recover and become a better version of yourself. You may not have found you haven’t felt like yourself over the past few years as your relationship with your partner slowly deteriorated. That is hard on your mind and body. Defined Recovery means returning to a regular health, mind, or strength state. Let’s identify the how by spelling out RECOVER: R: est. Take time to rest your body; some say I want to keep moving to not think about my current situation. However, sleep is OK, and your mind and body need it. E: effort. Please try to reconnect with old friends and family and tell them you do not want to talk about the situation. Try to go for a walk and clear your mind; you must do this to survive. C:alm. Download the Daily Calm. It has transitioned how I feel about my body and mindset. I’ve recommended this before; if not this app, there are others. DOWNLOAD a meditation map. O: outlook. Your outlook on life may be full of mixed feelings. Remember, slowly, your view will go from despair to grief to hope. It will come, maybe at a pace that is hard to understand. Your perspective is bright – believe it. V: ision. It may seem like the same as outlook, but with a vision, you can manifest the parts of your life you want to transition. Manifest a new relationship, manifest money, manifest that house you want. That vision is key to manifesting. E: exercise. Make sure you keep up an exercise routine or start a new one. I have mentioned before that group classes can reconnect you to a community or join a bike, run, or tennis club. Anything that you may have wanted to try -now is the time. R: refreshing. You will feel refreshed once you go through the stages of divorce, and then you take on the world. I also recommend that if you need a full-on refresher, take a trip by yourself and discover yourself. Keep up the work, and the reward of peace will arrive. Share your story: divorceedish@gmail.com.

After a divorce, be open-minded because this is a new chapter in your life. Being open-minded and not stuck in the old rut can be refreshing. There are so many benefits to seeing the world from a new view. You have new opportunities you never knew because unwinding yourself from a challenging or toxic relationship – can be tricky. Though now is yo ur time to work towards what you want. Reasons why you should keep your mind open: 1. You can explore new activities: let’s say you have always wanted to try kayaking – do it! 2. Lowering your stress level and opening your mind to a world of fun possibilities – is exciting. 3. You may meet new people you never thought you would mesh with and try new things. 4. Travel places you never thought you’d go and explore. 5. Learn something new, take a class on art or cooking. 6. Find new friends that are divorced and probably feeling the same way you are and want to do something new and exciting. 7. Mentally it can be refreshing to be open to new ideas. 8. Let your guard down. You may have been stuck in your ways; however, now is the time to open your mind. We know you can do this, and we have your back. Share ways you have opened your mind and tell your story by contacting us at divorceedish@gmail.com.

Stepping up and voicing your wants and needs through a divorce period can be the best thing you ever do for yourself. How do YOU want this divorce to go? Amicably or not? What do you want from this experience, and what do you NOT want to happen? What do you want for your family? You have a voice now: use it. Some people are subdued by the devastation of divorce and lose their vote for the interim. However, whether you or your partner wanted this divorce, voice your needs to your lawyer or therapist; now is not the time to use your voice to spread insights into your situation. Again, your voice needs to go through to the right person; this is key. It’s not advised to use your voice during a divorce to gossip with friends or trash talk your soon-to-be-ex (even though your friends and family may already know the situation); be careful whom you talk to so the process is smoother. Also, do not use your voice pre-divorce on social media channels, especially when you have a toxic situation. DO NOT use social media to take down your ex. Here is an excellent article by Modern Family Law on five things not to post post-divorce. Whom you talk to is up to you; we recommend a tight-knit group because you never know what the outcome of a conversation can have on your divorce. If you have children, their voice needs to be heard as well. Children are trying to process what is going on, and it's so important to take that time to sit them down and listen. Children do NOT need to hear the details of why mommy or daddy are splitting up, but they need to understand their voice is being heard. Check out this blog post: Giving Children a Voice during a Divorce by Seattle Divorce Services. All and all, use your voice to lay out a smooth plan for your divorce. After your divorce, you will have more freedom to share information; believe me, you will have so many people to support you, and you can fill in the details then.

Intimacy after a divorce can be intimidating. It is almost as if it is your first time (again), even though you and your partner may have had an active sex life before, during, and even post-marriage. Sex after divorce can contain a mixture of feelings. We are here to talk about moving forward and being confident sexual beings. I always asked my divorced friends, “What was it like having sex for the first time after your divorce?” some answered ‘Oh, I entered a “d” parade and went crazy, and it was fun,” or others stated, “It was so awkward like I was in high school or college all over again.” Either way, it's all right to experience new ways and people to figure out what works best for you; many of us are not looking for the “next one” right away. We want to explore and see what’s out there and do not want to settle for the first one. How do you get out there? Dating sites, friends, and just getting out to a new scene will help you meet people that may want some action and nothing else. You must decide your ground rules before going out there or make them up as you go along. YOU ARE AN ADULT; act like one. You are allowed to have some crazy fun sometimes and not think anything of it. The time you wait between finalizing the divorce and getting intimate with someone else - is up to you. Research states more on the side of when should I enter a new relationship after a divorce. Most say to wait one year before dating after your divorce, though for some, that can seem like an eternity. Casual sex is a much easier transition post-divorce and can enlighten your world. Making you realize there is lots of life to live after divorce, and you can do that on your terms. A few things to consider still: · Practice safe sex – yes, you can still contract an STD in your older age. · Have a safer sex conversation. Have you been tested for STDs? · Get used to good old condoms again. · Trust your feelings when “hooking up.” · Rediscover your wants and needs. Here are some great articles on sex after divorce: Reader’s Digest: https://www.readersdigest.co.uk/lifestyle/dating-relationships/sex-after-divorce-its-not-as-scary-as-you-might-think Huffington Post: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/sex-after-divorce-the-dos_n_2577415 Oprah Daily: https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a31956827/sex-after-divorce/ Prevention: https://www.prevention.com/health/a27484181/sex-after-divorce-tips

During a Divorce, you divide many aspects of your entire world into pieces. You start with financials, most of the time, and begin to figure out how best to deal with money. Money is the second leading cause of divorce, behind cheating. It could be how money has been handled throughout the marriage, a partner hiding money, partner spending habits, or debt. Anyway, divvying this up causes much stress in the divorce process. However, money is not the only subject that you must divide. Many people may not know there are other items you need to consider before going down the path of divorce. Here are a few that are the greatest traditional assets - to name: Bank accounts Real estate properties Retirement accounts Automobiles Recreational vehicles - i.e., boats, etc. Vacation properties Life insurance policies Annuities Stocks and bonds Intellectual property Personal property Time Debts Though this is a typical list, what I found I thought about immediately was the division of time. Note: that this relates more to children and could apply to pets. Time schedules for children. Depending on your children, this can be a massive challenge due to school schedules, sports, and extracurricular activities. Holidays are another item that becomes top of mind. How will we split it? How do we trade it off? Let me give you some advice; make this very clear in your divorcee decree because this may get more complicated than it's worth. Due to family traditions – and family in general not wanting to change it up but are not in the divorce. Be clear and firm. Vacation schedules: Divorcing and managing vacation time could also be complex. Aligned vacation schedules and pop-up vacation opportunities will happen; however, define the number of days and times with your ex. Always ask in advance – you would be so surprised how many people do not make this a priority. Several more items will come up that you need to divide and define. Regarding dividing time, I recommend using the Cozi Family Organizer.

You may have been divorced for a long time or a short, concise time; either way, Depression can set on at any moment (and don’t be afraid to let it out). We’ve heard from many of you that you have these days when something hits you, and you cannot pinpoint what it may be, but it just hits you, and you burst into tears. Is it divorce depression, or is it situational? It doesn’t matter; you need to feel the feelings that you are having at certain moments. You cannot always be expected to be there for everyone in your immediate family 24/7 (even though you try). When you feel like this, let someone know and talk it out, you will feel so much better if you do. I find myself in these moments every once in a while and sobbing for being overwhelmed by life. Sometimes I sit back and think about all I have been through and where I am or am not, and it just hits me. It’s life, and sometimes you need to take care of yourself. We talked in the last blog about adulting and the difficult task of keeping it together all the time and then taking time for yourself. This time we are identifying some resources that can help you navigate these depressive moments when you feel nothing is on track in this world for you. Here are some signs you may have Depression after Divorce: Symptoms of depression Sometimes it may be hard to tell if sadness has progressed to depression. However, signs to look out for include the following: Sadness or hopelessness that won’t go away Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed feeling overwhelmed and unable to focus Crying more often than you used to difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much changes in appetite like eating more often or not wanting to eat at all thoughts of suicide A few divorce support groups to consider include: Divorce support online and in-person: Divorce Care Divorce support for women: Woman’s Divorce Divorce support for men: MensGroup LGBTQ+ community divorce support: Rainbow Families *Source Psych Central Please let yourself go through the motions but seek support daily to ensure you end up in a happier place.

Here is an older article about the art of dating two people at once. Dating more than one guy at a time is definitely a confidence booster, but it's also hard work (oh, life is so tough, right?). Don't struggle with the juggle—we've rounded up a few ladies who have been there and done that to tell you exactly how to handle the tricky situations that come with playing the field. DO keep the benefits in mind. "I was previously married for about six years and didn't really take the time to consider what I wanted out of a relationship or marriage," says Megan, 27. "Now with dating more than one guy, I have been able to look at what each of them would add to my life and not feel pressured about one person. I can stay more objective until I make a decision about which situation and person better suits me, and vice versa." DON'T date just for an ego boost. Admit it: You know in your gut when you're stringing a guy along. "It's nice to feel wanted by more than one person, but you can't let it continue if you're not interested," says Tova, 22. DO be honest—but not too honest. Learn from 24-year-old Dani's dating mistake: "In my most recent relationship with a guy, we were very up front and honest about dating others, so much so that we talked with each other about our other dates," she says. "That's where things started to get messy. I realized that although I was OK with the thought of him dating other women, I wasn't actually OK with hearing about it. That brought on unwanted jealousy." DON'T make it a game. The risk of getting caught, however, can be part of the excitement of dating more than one guy. "I think I was so caught up in the game' of it all that being with just one guy almost seemed too monotonous for me," says Becky. "Whenever I really liked a guy and would date just him, it wouldn't seem like enough. It's now created a fantasy land that probably doesn't exist, but I hold on to the hope that somebody out there has it all." Find the rest of this great article here on Glamour. Happy Dating! Erin

Taking a vacation, whether by yourself - trust me, it's all good - or with family and friends can cheer you up like no other activity. Case in point, I just returned home from a quick but excellent, action-packed getaway to California wine country with my siblings from NYC & Chicago - we committed & made it happen - & it was the BEST. After my divorce, the one thing I wanted to do for myself was travel more...much more. Of course, I love traveling with my kids; however, I knew I needed a reset and finally did it. First, I went to the Dominican Republic all by myself. I booked an all-inclusive stay at a fabulous resort and set out on a mission to reconnect with myself. It was magical. I encourage you to do the same - heck, it can be a road trip to your favorite amusement park or local B&B if that's your jam - and I am listing why YOU, too, should take time to regroup and relax. Here we go: V: action – book the trip, set a budget with some leeway, and commit; A: appreciate your alone time and take advantage of whatever it is you want to do...nap, beach, hike; you'll have no one but yourself to look after; C: change and embody what is changing in your world. You have a clean slate. Take time to embrace how your world has changed environmentally, physically, and emotionally; A: mazement - you will be amazed at how you feel when your feet hit the ground once you land at your getaway destination. I always feel a calmness come over my body, and sometimes it takes me about two weeks to return to reality after I return home - ha! - that’s how relaxed you will be; T: time - I recommend 7-10 days, depending on how much time you can take off. It takes a couple of days to unwind from your real life; I: Inspire - It’s funny how I inspired others who were not alone and said you are brave. Yet, I was inspired by myself that I was actually at a place where I wanted to be; O:ff – During this time, you are OFF. I touched base with my kids but had coverage for work and never looked back. N-o one but you can do this for yourself except YOU. Your body and mind have been through a challenging time. Take it from me; it's SO worth it. Book it NOW; And after all the years, I've learned that I enjoy being by myself and don't worry about anything except taking care of myself when I'm in my zone. I've met some fabulous people during my trips worldwide over the years but my most revolutionary, a-ha-moment journey? My first-ever solo trip. DO IT! Happy travels, Erin

Well, you finally made it to the online dating world, and you head in innocently, hopeful, and looking for honesty. Let me stop you right there. Daters, be warned: If the best profiles can mislead you, they ask for your number on the first day you connect. Advice: Do not give your number out right away. The reason is that you barely know this person, and now you have given out one of your most precious possessions ---- your phone number. I had this happen a few times when I thought, oh, this is innocent, and maybe it will lead to an in-person date faster – ha, was I a fool or what? We are going to list some warning signs and tips for making sure the person on the other end is human, not a scamming human, and not a robot: 1) There is a verification process on Bumble, and you can look at verified-only profiles; however, scammers still slip in and ask for your number immediately. Please hold out until you have spoken for a few days or even a week. 2) Another thing to look out for on Bumble is – let’s say you give your phone number out, check back 2 hours later to see if that person has deleted your profile, and take a screenshot of this person to report later. 3) Hinge is a bit tricky. There is no feature to prevent massive fake profiles into the system, even when you pay for the upgrade. We just had someone tell us that they gave their number; the person called them within the hour and talked about “God and their lack of money and relationships” again, watch out. 4) Match: Buyer beware; while Match claims to be one of the best, our experiences differ; again, scammers are all over. 5) Research all the dating applications to see which one may work best for you: More to the point, do not do the following: Do not give out your phone number too soon in the game. · Pay for upgrades if you can afford them to help weed out some of the potential scammers. · Don did not change over to What’s App –a TRAP for people wanting money, and encrypted messages may be hard to track. · Do not post your children with you in your profile – you do not want strangers to see the most important people in your world. · Utilize the tools built out on the dating apps and report any suspicious activities. · Don’t be afraid to block people on dating apps (they will never find out); if you do not want them constantly to show up in your feed, you must do this. · Do a background check on every person you may go out on a date with, get their last name, and look them up: o Whitepages.com o Instant Checkmate o Truthfinder o All social media channels – they may not use social but check just in case; you may be surprised by what you find out. There are many more, but check and ensure their name matches what they told you. We want everyone safely date and find happiness, do not trip into these easy pitfalls. You will regret it. You can find a list of all the dating sites here: The Ultimate List of Every Dating App. Happy searching and safe dating.

There are a lot of talks that the COVID quarantine period caused extra strain on marriages. These marriages may have been acceptable or on edge before, but they crumbled as life has come back to some sense of normalcy. Adding the stress of parents acting as teachers, working from home, not being able to do routine workouts, or meeting up with friends to get a break, it was an unprecedented time in our lives. According to a survey conducted by the Institute of Family Studies, 34 percent of married people reported the pandemic had stressed their relationships. Divorce law firms have stated that divorce rates have increased from 40-to 122%, which seems extreme, but the studies and stats are all over. There is an excellent article in The Atlantic by Matthew Fray, author of This is How Your Marriage Ends. He talks about the little things that drive spouses crazy, i.e., a dirty glass by the sink - so little, but it becomes a massive issue with a couple. I've heard people saying I believe the way the toilet paper roll should face, or the toilet seat was always up or down or not flushed, caused my marriage to end. It sounds ridiculous. Those who are divorced and in a marriage where this is happening find it factual. The point is if these little things were bothering you over pre-COVID, they most likely skyrocketed as contention for your marriage falling apart. I would love to read some journals out there about COVID and your mentality during this time. The couples that made it through COVID without much hardship, we applaud you and the pairs that did not - You are not alone. If COVID was not your reason - here are the top 10 reasons per Gender, of why - look familiar?

As a single parent with three amazing kids, there are times when I think about how much I miss them when they are at their dad’s house. We just got back from a beautiful trip to the beach and spending eight full days with them was terrific; we ate together, walked together, and just had fun. I suppose I just let myself take advantage of the time. When I dropped them off yesterday, I knew I was headed to the home I love to get my life back in order. I must have fallen asleep around 8 p.m. and woke up at 6 a.m. the following day, yet still felt tired. Then the silence hit me. I am home, alone, and my kids will not be here for a couple of days. Once I realized this, I only broke down thinking how hard divorce can sometimes be and when you have wonderful supporters in your life (friends, family, and others), it's never the same when you are away from kids you adore. When you realize all of this is for a reason, you stop and reflect on how you got here, and sometimes you do not know. I advise you to take time for yourself, rest, do a favorite activity, and remember your kids love you and most likely want to be with you as much as you. It’s difficult at times. However, you are stronger than you ever know. Much love to all, Erin